DIARY OF AN EMOTIONAL FOOL- EPISODE 1

DIARY OF AN EMOTIONAL FOOL

 I don’t know what to call myself…..i mean after 5 breakups one would be a fool getting into the same plunge again!

I am still realizing this  as I sit  in the rain typing ferociously on my laptop ….i guess this is the only way to get these stupid feeling out.

Oh …I forgot to introduce myself…HI I AM ARJUN ….ARJUN BHATIA…you know tried to make it sound like  BOND…..JAMES BOND. By profession I am an IT consultant working with an international firm who screws up your ass by draining 22*6 days out of your life with a fking pay of just 55000/

So most of the times I am either at the office sucking up to my bosses ass to get a pay hike or on the phone with my girlfriend ASHIMA ….or should I say ex girlfriend?

I practically think relationships are over rated….you see yesterday when she brokeoff with me on whatsapp [ man I m seriously thinking…what is more humiliating? Being dumped on whatsapp or farting loudly at my bosses party?]

Look we guys are very simple beings, we can be happy in an instant if someone brings us a bowl of magi [even it’s a day old…I mean who cares?] we are content with a bed a cooler and some good food ……we don’t care whether you curl up your hair or straighten them up…BIG DEAL? KOI FARAK NI PENDA and being a Punjabi just some good food is enough to make us like you !

At 26 if your Punjabi family doesn’t start lookin g for a SONI KUDI , then pardon me my brother you are doomed….see basically marriages suck..be it arranged or love

In arranged marriages, lets just say the snake unfortunately bites you but as in my case …ie love marriages you are dancing in front of a bloody cobra asking him “ kaat kaat kaat bhai kaat”…TO SUM UP…MARRIAGES SUCK…for both genders …its just we the smarter specie realize it while sitting on the horse and the other counterpart realizes it after creating a vaanr sena …

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED FROM THE BEGINNING

Okay so have u people been in that awkward MOMENT WHERE YOU ARE SO DEEPLY ENGROSSED IN YOUR THOUGHTS THAT YOU ARE CAUGHT STARING AT SOMEONE DIRECTLY……exactly that’s how I met ashima for the first time .

Don’t judge me….what really happened was mr sahay my boss had  asked me to prepare a report on the annual statistics of the company in a creative manner. But due to the last nights hangover all I was able to do was stare at the wall which stupidly proclaimed “MY BOSS IS THE BEST” I mean how more desperate can people get….that was the only way I could detach myself from last night drunkiness and my dads long sentimental msg to come back to Chandigarh and join his dukaan being the only waaris……and  OFCOURSE THIS MSG FROM ANKUSH…MY ROOMATE WHO NEVER HAS THE MONEY TO PAY THE RENT

“look man I am really sorry for sleeping with your girlfriend…I am very sorry bro…”

“nope” was my reply

“bhai , aisa karega…dekh bhai nahi h…kal zyada pee rakhi thi bhai samjh”

“nope” what did this bastard expect me to say ? agreed my ex gf was a complete flirt and was looking out for ways to get out of the relationship but man cheating is cheating…its illegal

“bhai hum abhi bhi friends hai na?”

“nope”

“then are we enemies “

“nope”

“then what are we?”

“bro WE ARE EVEN …I AM SORRY YAAR WO KAL RAAT KO TERI OR MERI BANDI EXCHANGE HOGYI THI…SO SORRY”

“HILARIOUS BRO….TO AJ RAAT PARTY…SALA ANKUSH KO BAHAR BHEJ DIO….DARU KE PAISE DETA NAHI …PEENE AJATA HAI”

“HAN CHAL OK “

You see that’s how easy we guys are…..we hate complications so we avoid emotional siyappa

So during my transition to meditation, I mean staring at the stupid wall, somebody bhanged my tapasaya

“excuseme? What are you trying to do mr? I heard a girls voice

So before I could turn my chair like james bond and show him what a handsome munda I am I did some calculations  in my mind based on her voice on her figure which I guessed around 38 28 36 and finally turned my eyes up to her face….BANG ON….ABSOLUTELY CORRECT…IT WAS 38 28 36…WOAH…BHATIAJI CHAA GAYE J

“YES?” I asked innocently

“look mr….i don’t know whether you have an xray machine fit in yur glasses but could you please stop staring….its creepy”

“I wish” SHIT SAID THAT OUT LOUD….MAN WHATS WRONG

“Excuse,me?”

“I said I am sorry but I wasn’t staring at you….its just I was trying to concentrate” on her figure …ofcourse I was careful enough not to say that out loud

“really?” now this tone implied that I had to change my defences in order to succumb from  further embarrassment….see being 4 relationships old you know the subtleties that girls use

“look miss I am sorry to make you uncomfortable, that wasn’t my intention” I tried to look  as geeky as possible

“that’s okay…be careful next time” she seemed somewhat pacified

And  after that I saw her when we all were leaving the office….she was talking to that womanizer vikram ….sala har ladki ke saamne stud bane ki adat gayi nhi iske

I ignored and went to the parking lot to get the car and I saw ashima waiting with  her handbag ….ONE OF THE MOST SATISFYING SCENES EVER IS TO SEE YOUR PROMOTION STEALING FRIENDS BIKE NOT STARTING AND THAT TOO IN FRONT OFA GIRL….life me pehli baar waheguru pe itna believe ni hua jitna uss din hogya tha

And then what happened was super amazing

To please ashima and save himself some time to start the bike he flirtly asked “hey wanna hear a joke”?

“no I m already looking at one” GO GIRL…NEVER HAD I FELT SO HAPPY BEFORE….SHE HAD SOMETHING….AND THIS WAS THE SIXER ON THE LAST BALL

Suddenly dad called and I as usual they called me to inform that mom was going on the terrace to jump

My mom was screaming on the phone “jaa rahi hun marne…tabhi chain milega tere papa ko”

“mai bhi jaaraha hun” my dadsaid

“aji tussi kahan jaa rhe ho? Wo padosan Sharma ji ke paranthe khane…humare ghar me to bante nhi haina ?!”

“nhi I am going at nirmal babas place”

“kyu ji, haye toba…..itna pyaar hai to bolte kyu nahi…”

“arre nahi pagli, unhe chadava chadane….kripa ane lagi hai…tum jao jao…kudo “

“dad mom please…mom aap kitna drama karte ho….papa chalo aj raat ka khana bandenge”

“dekho mera puttar nu kitna khyaal hai mera” my mom cheeked

“haa vella hi hai khote da putarr….dukan”

AND I HUNG THE PHONE…..MY PARENTS CAN BE REALLY MELODRAMATIC

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A KNOCK ON MY WINDOW….BLOODYYY HELL..IT WAS ASHIMA…WOHHOOOO….MANN ME LADOO PHOOTA

I rolled down the glass of the car and muted the “wakhra swag ni” music

“hi!”

“hi”

“umm I knw this is way too weird but would you mind dropping me home?”

“yeah….sure…hop in”

“thanks a lot…and neatly placing her black Gucci bag at the back seat she seated herself”

“bdw, I am ashima”

“arjun” I flashed my dimples smile…it usually works magic with girls

“that’s really kind of you arjun to drop me at the last minute”

“no big deal” I shrugged

“so where do you live?”

“I live in preet vihar…and you…”

“just drop me at preet vihar…ill take a bus home”

“no no ashima…its 8 in the evening and delhi aint safe …lemme drop you”

“okay….vasant kunj it is” she smiled

“so…..any girlfriends?” she asked me

MAN….WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY….TECHINACLLY I AM IN ARELATIONSHIP WHICH WAS SCREWED LAST NIGHT BUT SHE HASN’T MADE IT OFFICIAL….AND U CANT TELL A HOT CUTE GIRL YOU JUST MET

“NO”….

“WHAT ABOUT YU?”

“that’s none of your business” she answered back  very coldly

We sat in absolute silence for the next 10 minutes and out of no where she screamed

“STOP THECAR”

“WHAT?”

“I SAID STOP THE BLOODY CAR”

“ASHIMA…WHATS WRONG?”

“RIGHT NOW…STOP HE CAR”