so i was really bored , i hated going to malls ,i was staring outside the delhi winters which slowly started to engulf its air...i practically love winters , the calmness , the cool air, no worry of putting on weight as you are already under layers of sweaters and everyone end up looking as fat as mr santa ...
okay so my cousins took me to the mall for trying out some new stores in which i had zero interest. so as they were choosing and debating over various chanel watches which looked exactly the same to me , one of my sisters exclaimed her urgency to pee which somehow had not surmounted until she bought her watch, so she called sneha, her gossipy buddy as she knew coming to me would get her one straight answer"NO I AM NOT GOING..go to the washroom alone...no ghost will come and eat you up"
so she and sneha went to the ladies room.
THIS WAS THE MOMENT WHEN I REALIZED HOW DIFFERENT WERE THE ART FORMS OF PEEING WERE FOR BOTH GUYS AND GALS.
lets get to the girls first
so if a girl wants to pee, u willalways find them in pair..oh no no dont get me wrong, pair as in the girl who needs to pee will always take a personal friend with whom she can entrust her belongings which includes a handbag, a pink handkerchief, a lipgloss, some hand sanitizer and okay fine a bag full of cosmetics which are COMPLETELY ESSENTIAL { bullshit....who needs a lipgloss if they want to pee?}
so before entering the restroom , a full inspection is done
following criterias are necessary for a washroom to be PEE PERFECT {BEFORE PEEING}
1 odorless....it should smell of lilacs and jasmines ....if not dear washroom , u wont be reccommended to the aunty standing outside waiting for her turn
2 enough tissue stock.....its my personal observation that on an average a girl uses 5 times more tissues at a posche washroom than a normal sulabh shouchalaya type
3 the commode should be spotless white
4 it should have a mirror ....{ TRUST ME ITS THE MOST ESSENTIAL CRITERIA, if a restroom fails to fulfill it, dear mall manager, u r in grave trouble }
5 the personal friend should approve of the pee area seat before the girl who is in immediate need to pee enters it
{DURING PEEING}
so once the battleground is ready, the girl who needs to pee holds her breath to ensure that no one else is in the restroom besides her personal friend so that no noise of farting can go out
[ what...cmon dont be shy...farting is a natural phenomenon...and such an interesting one that a movie like piku is made on it ]
the tissues are used to clean the commode so as to ensure complete hygiene
then finally thanks to fb and whatsapp the personal friend is ordered just to switch off the lights and look for a hole which might be a cctv camera
after all these complex tasks are performed , the pee is let out
{ AFTER PEEING}
the girl comes out , washes the hand , washes it again, looks herself in the mirror and sighs out to her friend " god, how horrible my hair looks"
"omg , my gloss is no more"
"damn it, the pleats of my skirt has been ruined"
washes the hand yet again, pours some sanitizer and finally after she feels satisfied, the MARCH OF TRIUMPH is made with both the girls giggling at the pee neighbour whose hair were looking so ugly but they just couldnt say it in her presence as she was utmost proud of the red hair color for which 10000 were spent at the saloon
they return to the group, order the food, use the sanitizer again and then begin eating
wufff.....such complicated process
lets get to the boys
the criterias which need to be fulfilled
NO CRITERIA...JUST OPEN SPACE....KABHI BHI KAHIN BHI
BEFORE PEEING
if in a group, the boy excuses himself if no one else wants to go to pee and says he would come back in 5 mins as he has to go and make an imp call, but if a guy wants to accompany then a famous dialouge " chal bhai halke hoke ate hain"
DURING PEEING
so if the guy is alone he starts singing slowly , usually an old hindi song say"aja aja mai hun pyaar tera...wala wala iqrar tera hoo...oh aja han han aja han han aja " such ironic i must say
AFTER PEEING
the guys have a creepy obsession with their hair, so once out of the restroom, they look into the mirror and reshape their hair a 1000 times with water and each time end up looking as they have recieved an electric shock....and pretend as they look no less than tom cruise. ha!
the process of guys though is simple but irritating enough...
let me use this post to promote SWACH BHARAT ABHIYAN....guys agreed u cant hold ur bladder but that doesnt mean u go out peeing on roads,highways and gardens....just one piece of advice GROW UP...USE A WASHROOM
and girls......so sorry no advice....cant afford to win an arguement with u ...u want to carry a lipgloss, a deodrant, a sanitizer, a comb.....CARRY IT
after all " girls would be girls"
keep ur environment clean
ur home cleaner
and ur heart the cleanest
ofcourse, KEEP SMILING:)
