HI....I AM ROHAN SINGH AHLUWALIA. and before you say or think about me...wait...I AM A PUNJABI.
I am a software developer and before u start thinking highly of me or feel that I can create a code that even professional hackers from "24" series can't crack...please stop running your minds. I make 40,000 a month and will start making 60k by the end of the year.....oh? what's so special about the end of the year?I am bringing Shriya home.
Shriya?
a girl who I am apparently in love with...who has a perfect figure,big dark brown eyes,sleek waist length hair...absolutely straight,has amazing skin complexion [good for her else Punjabis are the biggest racists on the earth],takes care of me,my friends,my flat which we are currently living in,my friends go gaga over her red lips and okay i think that's enough for the description....I should probably stop. so basically one can make out she's a decent girl ...good enough to be someone's wife....and the someone over here is me.
no no i am not complaining not at all....its just that ....one she is a Gujarati and second ...is i don't know whether i actually love her or am just habituated by her presence ....you see, we guys are just like that ...as soon as we see a pretty girl [who in fact is every second girl we look at], the kameena heart starts racing and makes the stupid brain produce certain neurotransmitters that make us believe that we are truly deeply and madly in love....UNTIL.....YOU HAVE TO BRING HER HOME.
Not that i am scared or something,it's just that i am not too sure plus Shriya doesn't know how to make a round roti....so basically my mother is going to kill her for that!
so the other day i was having a conversation with her....not exactly a conversation...u can call it a prep talk if u want."rohuuu...baby"
FUCK! okay so people beware whenever shriya calls me rohuu,danger is around the corner..last time she called me that i almost landed up at her friends house half drunk just to prove that i am loyal to her...FREAKY PIECE OF SHIT MAN!
"hmm....?" i became cautious
"i was thinking once we get married no...we will help ur dad leave his habit of abusing people on the phone...it was only yesterday i was skyping with your sister simran and i heard your dad swearing a person on the phone....not good no!"
WAIT A SEC...WAIT A FUCKING SECOND....DID SHE JUST SAY SHE SKYPED SIMRAN?
are we talking about reality? SHE IS A BLOODY INVADER...WHO IS SHE TO TELL MY DAD NOT TO ABUSE? not as if i like it but now its a matter of self respect...
"shriyuuu..baby...[GUYS RULE NUMBER 1 WHENEVER U WANNA MAKE UR GIRL FEEL CLOSE AND SPECIAL JUST THROW FILLERS RANDOMLY ....for instance "sweetheart...why dont u try making something special for us today" MARK MY WORDS MY FRIEND...THESE ARE MAGIC VIGNETTES...IT CAN MELT A GIRL ANY BLOODY TIME!]
"SO ...shriyuu, my baby...listen he is a punjabi ...right? and its our birthright to abuse..its just like expressing your love! "
"but my family wont like it no!" she exclaimedi had to do something! i knew very well that were on the verge of "THE UNNECESSARY RANDOM FIGHT PHENOMENON"
"I understand it...but u cant argue with elders right...you only taught me that..right baby?". shriya stopped drinking her green tea and started thinking [GOD....WHY DO GIRLS THINK WAY TOO MUCH..DONT THEY HAVE OTHER IMP STUFF?... LIKE PLAY FIFA...OR SLEEP FOR GODS SAKE!]
"yeah ...i guess its okay..ill tell my family beforehand" [FINALLY SHE MADE SOME SENSE..THANK GOD!]
Being a sunday morning i was hungry so i requested shriya to make some food.
"what will u eat rohan?" she asked casually while tying her hair up in a bun.
"ummm....aloo parantha?" i replied
"aloo parantha...are u serious?"..."again?"
"haan...so?....."
"we ate that 2 days ago rohan...cmon yar...lets eat something healthy..."
"darling....listen carefully...
Breakfast means Paranthas. And if the temperature outside is soaring, there’s Lassi too.
Once married into a Punjabi family, forget about dieting. Firstly, they don’t like thin and lean people, and, secondly, they won’t let you go on a diet come what may.Don’t worry about variety. There’s aloo, gobhi, muli, daal, even egg ka parantha, which will always be served with a large dollop of butter and a glass of Lassi.SHE SCOWLED AT ME......."baby....how..about some salad...." i covered up my ass which was about to burn from that stare."u will never improve rohan..."she gave me a flirty smile
suddenly the bell rang. shriya opened the door. it was aryan,my buddy."hey gorgeous" he went on hugging her and looking at me winked eye and all i was showing him was my middle finger"come on in aryan..was making some breakfast..wanna join for coffee?""not at all...salaa bas tujhpe line maarne aya hai" i was growling at him"shutup baby...."she went in the kitchen"saale itna darta kyu hai?...mai to bas mazze le raha tha yr"
"shut the fuck up....why the hell are yu here?" i switched on my fifa and put it on 2 player mode"bhai...ek bandi hai...kuch" he began"no no bro....u come here...drink the shitty coffee play fifa entertain us with ur lame jokes""dont be a moron yar rohan....i am not that lame in jokes...""yeah...not in jokes but in relationships and after that u get lost" i corrected myself
" acha guys listen..some one is gonna come here in next 5 mins...and rohan tu saala bhai hai mera and shriya my bhabhi""wo waise bhi teri bhabhi hi hai kutte" i was on full sarcasm mode."who is coming aryan?" shriya sked"my girlfriends father!""WHAT"! we both were startled and before we could ask anything else the bell rang...aryan like a prospective groom got the father in,touched his feet and introduced him to us. and we? WE WERE JUST GOING WITH THE FLOW.
so after some initial conversation awkwardness mr dixit, the father , asked aryan "beta kya karrhe ho ajkal?""sir ajkal bas babu hun" shriya was SHOCKED..UTTERLY BUT I KNEW IT..THIS WASNT HAPPENING FOR THE FIRST TIME."OH arre waah beta konse bank ke babu ho?" the father seemed interested"sir waise to sind bank ka lein apki pinki ka bhi babu hun"FUCK....OH THIS ISNT ME...THIS WAS SHRIYAS EXPRESSION....WHICH WAS DRIVING ME NUTS...I JUST COULDNT CONTROL MY LAUGHTER...AND FEW MOMENTS LATER IF YOU COULD....YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN ARYAN CRYING IN PAIN AS HIS EYES WERE ALL SWOLLEN....HOW?OH CMON ...DO I NEED TO TELL YU THAT?
AN hour later aryans pinki called up and in a fit of rage said "how dare u speak to my father like that u bastard""pinki..u only said...just say the truth and thats what i did yar""u fool.....n why didnt u ever tell me ki tum alcohol peete ho?""hey now cmon....u also didnt tell me ki tumhara baap khoon choosta hai...did i say anything?"fuck you" AND THERE WENT AWAY HIS 16TH GIRLFRIEND........
Suddenly shriya shreiked with happiness and came running out where i was apparently nursing aryan with ice."baby...what happenned?" i asked"baby...rohu.....ur family wants to meet me!""WHAT THE..........".......[TO BE CONTINUED]
