CONFESSIONS

https://youtu.be/L0MK7qz13bU [BEFORE READING IT PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK]

So here we are.....finally saying goodbye to the wonderful year that 2015 has been....full of roller coaster rides...
but BULLSHIT .....i am being flooded with questions of my new year resolutions....[ i am seriously hoping that i dont make a stupid idiotic one like losing my weight and increasing my height which has disasterously been shattered due to some technical error in 2015]
one of the main reasons i am not so up funky with new years eve is that from my pre primary classes i always begin to mess up with the date ....i continue writing 1st jan 2015 for instance and keep errorneously committing the same mistake till end of july and when i finally get adapted to write my dates correctly ...BULLSHIT the year ends...what am i supposed to do? screw the calendar?!


so today on the 364th day of the year i have decided to do something crazy [ of course i reamain crazy 260 days ...the rest i spend sleeping and dreaming ]......and trust me i have been contemplating on doing this for the past 1 week ...man it really needs tons of guts
MY CURRENT GUT STATUS : READY TO RUN.....UMM -0.001% OF CONFIDENCE
MY CURRENT HEART STATUS; DO IT


HI [ pls ignore...these are certain ego defense mechanisms i am gonna use throughout...]



F##K ...I CANT DO THIS!
BUT I HAVE TO!



okay......here we go



DEAR TANYA[ sorry for not keeping u anonymous]
for the past 20 years we have been together [ yes i know we are 19 but i am counting the time period when we were shitting in moms womb], and trust me it has been a lot of fun.
u and me from the beginning had hit off [ofcourse barring the time when u and i fought which was 99.9% times] where  me being completely outspoken, always going against people, dancing madly on roads, challenging everyone to have a badminton match, but still being  A DELICATE DARLING [oh yes i remember that]....and you being alwys the-namaste- traditional-type-girl with loads of good manners. And being with you has taught me some of the basic etiquettes too ...
ranging from u, me, mahi being together, to mahi leaving us to shed tears wen she went to kolkata to studying together, going to jain stationery, taking ur pen while u were writing coz i always loved ur pens, to making lame excuses like a cow created a jam or a dog was chasing us wenevr we were late for our tuition classes,to u always teaching me maths while i was crying as i had never prepared for that stupid exam......YOU AND ME WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER....it was like we were meant to be .....but then ONE MISTAKE .....ONE MISUNDERSTANDING CHANGED EVERYTHING....

from the past 4 years we are not meow-moti.....but the formal nishtha-tanya....
and thats because u know the reason and i partially know it.....
tanya...i seriously till date have not been able to cope...because i DO NOT KNOW the complete thing....its like we are together but with a line drawn between us and the problem is that we both are equally scared to cross it....arent we?
i agree i might have done something really stupid to make u this mad at me that we dont even look into each others eyes while speaking  but u too were at fault many a times!
and tanya ....just imagine we were inseparable for infinite years[ i still remember my promise to dance at your wedding and urs to organize my 25th birthday as u r the best planner ever] .......we both were always there for each other and i still believe we still have  a soft corner because friendship like ours can never be broken.....we still get anxious for each other....atleast i do

mumma once told me a story.....
a psychologist entered a room with dozens of potatoes and asked the audience to hold a dozen each if somebody had hurt them and to always keep the bag of potatoes wherever they went and see him after 2 days. after two days the clients came back with aching arms, blue black shoulders and twisted fingers as holding a dozen potatoes all the time was not that easy as they thought...
the psychologist heard their complaints and spoke" look how difficult it was to hold potatoes ...think and introspect how difficult it wud have been for u all to carry on the grudges for years!

it made me realize that the burden we both have been carrying is too long....AND I AM GONNA CHANGE...I KNOW MY EGO IS TOO HIGH...4 YEARS ...WOOF!
BUT NOW I AM GONNA LET IT GO.....I CANT HOLD BACK ANYMORE


yahoooooo....i did it..it was not that difficult...and now i feel so light....CONFESSIONS ARE REALLY BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE

i forgive u and i appologize too....i promise to never ask what made u so sorrowful...i want to start over tanya....i am ready to LET IT GO.....
i luv u buddy and please dont cry....I STILLCARE FOR U
and i am writing this today so that u dont cry on 31st.....i want u to come back running to me [ofcourse like srk!] and hugging me ....i will wait....no questions asked
tomorrow night...ill wait for u moti!
I AM SORRY FOR HURTING U

dear nick,mahima,panav,priya and rachita,
u guys have seriously been there thru all my ups and downs...and i am bloodily possessive about u guys!
thanku so so much....and i promise to stuck by u in times of joy and sorrow...u can always count on me and i will make u smile :)



dear all my college n school buddies,nav,dolly, all mamus mamis,didis,chachus,chachis,bros,sis[ okay i am making it hum saath saath hn type ...sorry han]
u guys have tremendously supported my blog pages,ideas and opinions.
had it not been u guys, i would never have gotten d strength to write
luv u all...stay blessseddd


DEAR SHWETA MAAM
i guess this is the most difficult one!
because wherever i am today is all because of you....u are an inspiration to me....
without u i would never have loved psychology
but maam some things are destined ....and whatever happened i know u blame urself ...please dont...it hurts me the most! u r the bestest teacher and will always remain so
i and panav used to fight over carrying ur belongings
u mean alot to me maam
let the past remain in the past....
just give me ur blessings for the future ..i luv u maam and will always do


dear kittu, anu,tanu
u guys are not just family to me but my bestest buddies....
u have tricked me in various pranks but u r my angels ...
the fun , the laughters , the moments i have with u....are priceless
we may fight all day long but at the end of the day its always a happy ending with us sneaking out to nanis kitchen to bring something to eat!
stay beautiful my girls!



FINALLY
TO THE BESTEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD
i say sorry to u 100 times a day ranging from not picking my shoes to watching tv all day to eat all the chocolates all by myself to fight with kittu over a pencil
reasons are multivariate and diverse but i want u to know WITHOUT U I DONT HAVE A LIFE........UR HAPPINESS MEANS ALOT TO ME
ur lessons,love,scoldings, are so precious
I AM INCOMPLETE WITHOUT U
and i am very sure with ur love NOBODY CAN DRAG ME DOWN



so my this year resolution is to mend all the hearts i have intentionally or accidentally hurt
AND I HAVE TAKEN THE FIRST STEP....WHICH WAS ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT ONE...BUT NOW WHEN ITS OVER...I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER


so this new year....lets make a promise to HEAL ALL THE PAST WOUNDS AND START AFRESH.....LETS SPREAD JOY AND KINDNESS.....coz LOVE CAN TRANSFORM IMPERFECTION INTO PERFECTION

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!
KEEP DREAMING
KEEP WORKING
KEEP SMILING
STAY BLESSED! :)



[ please leave ur comments...or infact y dont u use this platform to confess something u did...stay anonymous..no issue! let it go guys....LETS CONFESS AND MOVE ON]

WHEN COMPASSION OVERPOWERS ANNOYANCE

ola guys...how you all have been? how has life been treating you all?

the scale goes 

1awesome...i am high dude

2great just finished my exams

3fine...bored as hell

4how have i been? you moron i have a boss who is pain in the ass, have my sisters wedding to attend and you have the bloody audacity to ask me how i am?

5 facing 200 wtfs per minute

so whatever ur scale score might say...i gurantee you a stress free zone here...

oh can u hold on please...theres some noise going on, ill just come back ok?

"NO NO NO NOOOOOO, it cant be the nosy chadha uncle again! WHY? is he a sadist mom?"

" shut up princess, speak properly"

" ask him to behave properly, if he has a balcony extended adjacent to ours, then ask that old man to fart inside , he purposely comes at the time wen i drink my horlicks. HE IS A BLOODY SADIST MOM" i cried

"baby you gotta adjust, and moreover he is aged, u need to respect him. say sorry right now" mom chipped

" FINE...but this isnt fair u noe...he gets to sneak around the balcony , allowed to fart with that disastrous smell over which i have used atleast 6 bottles of ambipure, and then not even feeling a tinge of sorry, he smiles back at me with his parantha stuffed mouth"

" princess! i am gonna smack u now if u are gonna keep behaving like this"

" ALRIGHT ..."

the bell rings

" baby open the door"

 #I IGNORE

the bell rings 10 times

" you idiot why arent u opening the door?

[ ok is my mom really looking fwd to an answer by me..fine..its because thru the sheds i saw nosy chadha ji coming up with a bowl in his hand...i m not gonna give him my chocolates this time i swear....oh why does he need chocolates? GOD KNOWS]

" he he he namaste namaste? beta hanger hai?"

" excuse me?" i roll my eyes in bewilderment

" hanger....for the clothes?"

"yeah...but then why have you bought this bowl?"

" oh beta...ye to gangajal hai...drop a few of it on ur head and u will be bestowed with good brains

OMG I AM GONNA KILL THIS UNCLE....GOOD BRAINS? OK FINE..CONTROL...THIS MAN IS AGED...SUFFERING FROM DEMENTIA....CONTROL....DO NOT COMMENT

"here is ur hanger? anything else" i stand with my arms cross folded

" nhi beta ....acha chocolates nhi dogi iss baar"

" arrey she will definitely give...right baby...go get the silk "

MY SILK...OH MY SILK....OK CAN SOMEONE FIND ME A BOOK ON HOW TO TORTURE NOSY NEIGHBOURS

" COME SIT NA UNCLE" my mom invites

rubbish..mom u are inviting a fart bomb...our little home will burst into flames of co2 and ofcourse parso raat ki palak paneer

suddeenly maa sees me carrying a bottle of ambipure and makes me run for my life with the death stare she gives me

bell rings again. my sister glares at me as she saw chadhaji sitting at her spot.....alright i didnt want my spot to be all palak paneery so i made him sit there

thnks to her, i got down and went to the park to get some fresh air.

while walking i saw my friend neha on the phone talking to her boyfriend

" oh i luv u"

" luv u too sugar"

\" aww"

"aww"

"ewwww, stop it neha" 

oblivious to me she jumped around in shock only to find me laughing at her....furiously she showed me her phone screen where her boyfriend was equally concerned as if oh-my-god-is my-barbie-all right-look

"hey punk" i said

" hey" he dryly replied , why wudnt he? i had invaded the i luv u phase 

guys i seriously dont get it ....saying i luv u too after i luv u is like saying JAI MATA DI after someone says SAARE BOLO..hahaaaa

anyways i thought to have a little bit of fun

so i took the left earphone from neha " so punk what plans do u have?

[OH PUNK? his name is pankaj but he gets irritated wen someone calls him that .....idiot!;p]

"hey can u please handover the earphone to my moon"

" moon? are u crazy?

" i mean neha"

" ohhhhhhhhh...mooooooonnnn"

" yes" he blushed

' okay so if neha is ur moon then technically it means u gotta stay 9955886.7 kms away from her"

" who are u?: alien?'

" huh..somebody not as weird as u PANKAJ" I WAS in full mood to piss my friends off

" arre babaji ..why getting angry...and u live two blocks away...come...lets have a badminton match" i challenged him as i have always done from my childhood

" whats with babaji?"

" arre budhu! if husbands are parmeshwars to tu to boyfriend hai...unko babaji ka darza diya jaa skta hai" i succeeded in irritating him

" buzz off alien! pj"

"u alien"

" u"

" u" 

so before the fight cud begin again neha snatched the phone and told him jai mata di .oh i mean iluv u too and came back to me ...finally!

" why are u pestering me? is chadha uncle at ur place again?"

" hmm....hes farting again"

out of nowhere we hear a screeching sound......as we looked back i saw someone fighting with chadha uncle, suddenly he pushed him and he fell on the ground ...

i dont know what go into me , the man ago i was cursing for being so nosy, an overprotective instinct overpowered me and i ran towards him at lightning speed with neha shouting something which i cudnt possibly hear

"hello! who the hell are u? dont u have any manners ...stay away!" i screamed at the man

" beta rehnedo tum...m theek hun" he pacified me

" aree tum kon hoti ho beech mai ane wali? mai apne dad se baat krrha hun...you stay out of it"

I GASPED IN SHOCK...a man was hitting his old father

" agar apne daant nhi tudwane na to niklo yahan se warna ill call the security...buzz off" i was yelling now

" papa...give me the papers and ill go...i dont want a scene"

now the thing was getting clearer , he was the man who was greedy for his fathers property and in his selfish ulterior motives he had fallen to such grave levels

not wanting to get involved in their matter but still protecting uncles self esteem even though he smelt like palak paneer was the main aim

" security, keep this man out of our colony, i shall never see him again else ull have it from me" i swore

the man, embarassed went away with plans of revenge in his mind

" thanku bete, bhagwan tumhe sadh budhi de" WITH his eyes numb he laughed at me. i hugged him back[with my nose blocked ofcourse...who wants to smell rotten palak paneer...hehehee...kidding]

AT THIS POINT READERS I SERIOUSLY WANTED TO BOTH CRY AND LAUGH, CHADHA JI WILL NEVER LEAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO TKE A DIG AT MY BRAIN

WELL SOMETHINGS ARE BETTER LEFT UNCHANGED....THATS THE BEAUTY OF IT

YOU WILL FIND PEOPLE who are annoying, irritating,snobbish but in the end of the day what matters is u understand each persons battle before judging them....each person on earth is born with a clean heart and a kind instinct which is manipulated by the society. DONT LET IT DO IT TO U, STAY RAW,STAY KIND and ofcourse

KEEP SMILING:)

hope u liked it, please read and share the link

dont forget to voice ur opinions which are the most valuable gifts to me

stay happy

WHEN PUNJABI PARENTS HANDLED MY BLOG

SASRIYAKAAL heheeee
hello hello
check 1 2 3 ...mike testing
" god damn it dad...you just gotta type it...its not a mike that you are doing hello check check...i mean literally...whats wrong with you?"
" ni tu chup reh...mainu zyada experience hai! ni inni fikar si, to khud likleiniya"
" hanji ....pta ni ajkl ke bacho ko kya naye naye shok hote hain...ye blog shog ki honda hai..." mom chipped in

" guys please handle it and remember no negativity and end my blog with my tagline ...please...ill promise i will take only 26 mins in shower"
" 15" dad says
" 5" mom says
" 20 mom please"
" deal"
" deal" " ok i gotta go....my intern master is hovering on me..luv you..take care of my blog"
so by now u all must be knowing that today its my mum and dad who are gonna handle the page for  a week as i am out on an internship. [ circus...right..thats what my dad thinks i do]








"hello hello..myself my daughters dad..nice to meet u ji"
" namaste ji..myself my daughters dads wife"
okay so today my daughters friends have various questions which we are gonna answer.

question number 1 ; auntyji how does it feel to be your daughters parents
mom; hain?!! she kicked me in my belly for 9 months and i cleaned her poop till 2 years and tu mujhse poochda payein ki how does it feel? fitte muh tere!


question number 2; uncle ji is your daughter a human?
dad; who are u? haan? whats ur email address i will report in cyber crime..wat do u mean is my daughter is human. ofcourse she behaves like an alien day and night but wo sadi kudi hai! ni apne mummy daddy da number das mainu...is she a human...! khote de puttar

question number 3; what bugs you the most about your daughter
dad; i want this interrogation to get over today and not after 2 years or even 20! patte de ullu
mom; doesnt clean her dishes
dad; takes 47 mins 27 secs in shower
mom; sings wildly
dad; types on keyboard with usain bolt in her fingers
mom; doesnt dress up..ni pura din ek pyjama mei sadi padi rehndi h...kangi bhi ni kardi
dad; doesnt know how to make gol roti
mom; stupid idiot ni
dad; ni preeti di kudi nu dekha hai kbbi..kinni soni kudi hai...all dressedup, knows how to cook,kills cockroach without shouting and doesnt listen to kya kehnde hain....haan...edm
mom; han sachi, wadi changi hai
dad; and look at our daughter...seems she has just woken up drunk from a halloween party
guest; uncle ji bas bas, next question

question number 4; a stupid guest visitor ; sir your daughter is hot, you should be proud
dAD; soor di aulad..keede padein tere muh me
mom; wat hot wat hot han...my daughter is cold ...very cold...ni sunte ho..milao zara 100 number..zyada hi pankh khulde payein hain launde ke




hanji hanji bas ji bas ajkl ina kaffi hai
chalo ji sasriyakal.....and ni wo kya kehnde hai jee....KEEP SMILING AND SWEARING
PROUD TO BE A PUNJABI JI [OKAY dad stop making my blog being a racist]

THE ART OF PEEING

difference between the peeing phenomena of men and women


so i was really bored , i hated going to malls ,i was  staring outside the delhi winters which slowly started to engulf its air...i practically love winters , the calmness , the cool air, no worry of putting on weight as you are already under layers of sweaters and everyone end up looking as fat as mr santa ...
okay so my cousins took me to the mall for trying out some new stores in which i had zero interest. so as they were choosing and debating over various chanel watches which looked exactly the same to me ,  one of my sisters exclaimed her urgency to pee which somehow had not surmounted until she bought her watch,  so she called sneha, her gossipy buddy as she knew coming to me would get her one straight answer"NO I AM NOT GOING..go to the washroom alone...no ghost will come and eat you up"
so she and sneha went to the ladies room.

THIS WAS THE MOMENT WHEN I REALIZED HOW DIFFERENT WERE THE ART FORMS OF PEEING WERE FOR BOTH GUYS AND GALS.


lets get to the girls first

so if a girl wants to pee, u willalways find them in pair..oh no no dont get me wrong, pair as in the girl who needs to pee will always take a personal friend with whom she can entrust her belongings which includes a handbag, a pink handkerchief, a lipgloss, some hand sanitizer and okay fine a bag full of cosmetics which are COMPLETELY ESSENTIAL { bullshit....who needs a lipgloss if they want to pee?}
so before entering the restroom , a full inspection is done
following criterias are necessary for a washroom to be PEE PERFECT {BEFORE PEEING}
1 odorless....it should smell of lilacs and jasmines ....if not dear washroom , u wont be reccommended to the aunty standing outside waiting for her turn
2 enough tissue stock.....its my personal observation that on an average a girl uses 5 times more tissues at a posche washroom than a normal sulabh shouchalaya type
3 the commode should be spotless white
4 it should have a mirror ....{ TRUST ME ITS THE MOST ESSENTIAL CRITERIA, if a restroom fails to fulfill it, dear mall manager, u r in grave trouble }
5 the personal friend should approve of the pee area seat before the girl who is in immediate need to pee enters it

{DURING PEEING}
so once the battleground is ready, the girl who needs to pee holds her breath to ensure that no one else is in the restroom besides her personal friend so that no noise of farting can go out
[ what...cmon dont be shy...farting is a natural phenomenon...and such an interesting one that a movie like piku is made on it ]
the tissues are used to clean the commode so as to ensure complete hygiene
then finally thanks to fb and whatsapp the personal friend is ordered just to switch off the lights and look for a hole which might be a cctv camera
after all these complex tasks are performed , the pee is let out

{ AFTER PEEING}
the girl comes out , washes the hand , washes it again, looks herself in the mirror and sighs out to her friend " god, how horrible my hair looks"
"omg , my gloss is no more"
"damn it, the pleats of my skirt has been ruined"
washes the hand yet again, pours some sanitizer and finally after she feels satisfied, the MARCH OF TRIUMPH is made with both the girls giggling at the pee neighbour whose hair were looking so ugly but they just couldnt say it in her presence as she was utmost proud of the red hair color for which 10000 were spent at the saloon
they return to the group, order the food, use the sanitizer again and then begin eating






wufff.....such complicated process

lets get to the boys

the criterias which need to be fulfilled
NO CRITERIA...JUST OPEN SPACE....KABHI BHI KAHIN BHI


BEFORE PEEING
if in a group, the boy excuses himself if no one else wants to go to pee and says he would come back in 5 mins as he has to go and make an imp call, but if a guy wants to accompany then a famous dialouge " chal bhai halke hoke ate hain"

DURING PEEING
so if the guy is alone he starts singing slowly , usually an old hindi song say"aja aja mai hun pyaar tera...wala wala iqrar tera hoo...oh aja han han aja han han aja " such ironic i must say

AFTER PEEING
the guys have a creepy obsession with their hair, so once out of the restroom, they look into the mirror and reshape their hair a 1000 times with water and each time end up looking as they have recieved an electric shock....and pretend as they look no less than tom cruise. ha!

the process of guys though is simple but irritating enough...

let me use this post to promote SWACH BHARAT ABHIYAN....guys agreed u cant hold ur bladder but that doesnt mean u go out peeing on roads,highways and gardens....just one piece of advice GROW UP...USE A WASHROOM
and girls......so sorry no advice....cant afford to win an arguement with u ...u want to carry a lipgloss, a deodrant, a sanitizer, a comb.....CARRY IT
after all " girls would be girls"

keep ur environment clean
         ur home cleaner
and ur heart the cleanest

ofcourse, KEEP SMILING:)

BE SHAANDAR ;)

There are certain dreams that are beyond the reach

But do not let this custom breach the trust in yourself

For you have the superpowers to achieve every insurmountable obstacle

Yes there are gonna be setbacks

Yes there are gonna be failures

People say it takes a lot of strength to let go of the things you love the most

But I say use that strength to show these people how u can conquer the passion that has been driving you crazy

The goals which push you to risk your security

Those experiences will offer you  maturity

I know its tough to attain

But honey, lets face it , its even tougher to maintain

So go ….go ahead and dream on …..

Don’t let the world say that the battle in your head cant ever be won

Always go that extra mile

For its never crowded at the top

Keep shining

Keep smilingJ

THE UNAPPOLOGETIC STALKER

it was a usual normal day for me {for a change...hehehee}...but destiny doesn't like me leading a NORMAL life...so therefore for its sole entertainment purposes , it presents me with a variety of twists and turns.
so, my so called normal day began with me getting up at 6, freshening up and going to the lovely garden outside my home to get some fresh air. as I started walking in the peaceful jogging comlex with my headphones on listening back to back hits of selena gomez....{mannn...shes so amazing!}
while walking...specifically in my colonys garden wasn't an easy task...u had to greet EVERY DAMN PERSON u meet...thankfully...only its just a bunch of old fellows..the uncles and aunties who leave no stone unturned t remind me thet how as a baby I used to wet my pants in their lap or scream with joy while looking at a baby pup...{no matter I still do that..OH NO ..NO NO NO not wetting the pants thing but chasing small puppies, cats and squirrels in my park..trust me they are adorable creatures with sparkling eyes , wagging tails and waiting for me to feed them bread and milk..while my mum shouts in the background" COME BACK RIGHT NOW, I GAVE THAT MILK TO U NOT TO THAT STUPID DOG..." and when I don't listen ..the typical Punjabi mom takes the loud Punjabi avtar and screams" TU AIDHAR AA...MERI GAL NU MAAN LE NI TEH EK CHIDHAD PADEGA SAARA DHOODH NIKAL JANNA HAI...AITHE.....ABHI!"

AND when mum speaks Punjabi it means its high time before I get a slipper thrown at me....please don't get my mum wrong...shes the sweetest person ull ever come across in ur life but the point is she doesn't like dogs that much and from "THAT MUCH " I MEAN....very very much...
whenever me and my sister plead for a pet she just has one response " EITHER ME OR PET"

{ PS ab we cant choose pet even if we want so we reluctantly say no mum...how could u say that and the conversation is ended there and then}

okay so I again deviated from the topic .......now I was listening to my music and oblivious of any thing around me I kept on wiggling my neck and shake my hands...{ come on who wont dance to CHITTIYAN KALIYAN}....so unconsciously I was dancing in my head ....
out of nowhere I felt I was being followed....that creepy feeling suddenly crept into me...its like I immediately sensed something wrong but obviously I was so fear stricken to look around back to see who was following me...I lowered the volume a bit and kept on walking....I heard those giant footsteps with heavy breath was continuing to be behind my back....but I was really scared to do anything...
I decided to walk a little faster but I realized that gradually those footsteps were now nearing quite quick
it was really a harrowing experience for me...such a thing had never happened before..though all those defense training tips were coming into my mind but I really had no courage and go up to him and use it...it was a feeling that it was my last day on earth and there was no way I could escape it....even chanting the hanuman chalisa didn't help much

after 5 mins I saw that the stalker was gone..like vanished...disappeared into nowhere
I breathe out a sigh of relief....
"thanku hanumanji..u saved me....thankyu thanku thanku itta saara" I thanked him 1000 times...



AND THEN...I SAW EVERYONE IN THE PARK FREEZE...I CUDNT HEAR THE COMMOTION THAT WAS GOING ON AS MUSIC WAS BLARING INTO MY EARS...

I TURNED AROUND AND A SAW MY NEIGHBOURHOOD UNCLE WAVING TOWARDS ME ASKING ME TO FREEZE....I took out my headphones .asking" what happened uncleji"
he screamed " beta Dario mat...bas mudio naa..hum abbhi ate hain ..just freeze ok?..he will do no harm" AND THATS WHATS CALLED HUMAN TENDENCY..I DID EXACTLY THAT WAS DENIED TO ME AND INSTRUCTED TO ME TO NOT DO....I TURNED AROUND AND

















"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   MUMMMYYYYYY PAPPPAAAAAA...MUMMMYYYY"i was screaming at the top of my lungs


IT WAS THE STALKER...HIS EYES WERE BLOODY RED...AND HE HELD A TWIG IN FRONT OF ME....HIS HAIRY SKIN MADE HIM LOOK NO LESS THAN A MONSTER...






 an hour later I was lying on my bed with my parents and neighbours surrounding me..it felt surreal..i thought I was going to heaven...BLOODY HELL!!
 they covered me as they do in old hindi movies, I slowly got up , opened my eyes and apparently I had fainted out of shock...I pinched myself to confirm that I was still alive and the stalker didn't kill me...
" beta ji...apko kaha tha na darne ko...ap to chillane hi lage" the uncle said perplexed
" but uncle...the stalker..the stalker..." I choked  and started coughing....mum bought me some water
" beta ji, wo bechare stalker ko tumne hi dara dia"
" did I?"
" yes u did...by the way the mcd has now taken him into custody...hes locked in a cage"
" WHAT? CAGE?
"han betaji, ek BANDAR KO AUR KAHAN BAND KARENGE?"





and I put my face into my hands and giggled shyly out of the embarrassment...AFTER ALL..IT WAS A LITTLE MONKEY and we all began laughing at my stupidity


THANKU DESTINY FOR SCREWING ME UP
:P
ENJOY LIFE....STAY STRONG
KEEP SMILIMG:)

THE ACCIDENTAL DATE PART 2

heyaaa....
excited for the part 2?! ME TOO!!

lets bring it on!

so now we will be introducing two new characters

BHAVNA, 19
the little miss practical who is against having emotions
is on a Gandhi-british fight with her grandparents

ALEX THE LION,22
son of albert Einstein as previously told
is in india for an internship at some space institute...[ can someone ask him to please take me for a ride in the rocker...PLEASSSEEE!!]

13 SEPT
9 AM
AFTER THE 1ST LECTURE


" I don't believe this...dara blocked me...hes such a bastard!" riya was crying
[god its so hard to see someone cry...where on one hand riya was crying , I on the other hand was thinking how many more litres was she planning to shed as the tissues were now vanishing with every passing second....I thought it would be better not to open my mouth else these guys will definitely kick me off]

"but what happened?" bhavna and vibu asked
"hona kya tha....gadhe ka bachaa itti highfi English sun k darr gya hoga " shivi said
"but why the hell he blocked u?" sexy enquired
" I don't know guys...I called him up...but he aint even picking my call...now what...my lbd...my shoes..my makeup, all has gone waste....I will never get somebody in my life..i am so ugly..." she began wailing more loudly

[UGLY?? seriously riya...have u almost forgotten about the guy who chased u around for 2 months after the blind date u had with him? or 155 likes on ur pic...out of which 154 are guys!!.....UFF THESE GIRLS I TELL U!]

suddenly her phone beeps

its DARAA"  riya screamed
"WHAT! PICK UP" all of us said
"noo...I am not going to ...its my turn to show the ego"
" are u kidding me riya...2 secs ago..hes so cute..i miss him and now return of the kuttiya,the bitch!" snapped bhavna
"ok fine" riya admitted


" hello"
" hi riya"
" hi"
"hw are u?" he asked  [ god even the boys are so dumb...dude what do u expect..the ladys been crying ganga jamuna for u and u have the audacity to ask how she is...please don't tell me u expect her to say..i am so happy..jumping from the Eiffel tower wanna come?]
" fine....so what happened?" she enquired
" look riya..don't get me wrong ... I DIDNT BLOCK U.. it was an accident..actually my brother cme home late drunk last night..and in the heat of the moment he blocked all my friends" he tried explaining [ ok so now hes got a family of drug addicts which riya was gushing over and had plans of marrying into the dara family]
" oh....are u speaking the truth?" she softly asked
" yes and as far as our date was concerned I am sorry I cant carry it forward too..please don't get me in other way..its just that we don't know each other and frankly I was really intimidated by u"
" okay" she was now replying in monosyllables  [ guys one piece of advice..when the girl starts responding in one word...it clearly means WARNING....ABOUT TO BLAST ANYTIME SOON IF U DONT USE UR BLOODY BRAIN]
" I hope we are cool now?" he asked
" yeah yeah"
" cool then..lets just stick being friends."
"bye"
"bye"



2 mins silence





arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.....aeinnnnnnn....soon the whole college was hearing different types of cries
riya was banging the table and kept cursing the boy
me and tina were sitting across the table but had to rush over her else she was about to flood the whole classroom
" I thought love was in the air" riya squealed
" what love? only nitrogen oxygen and carbon dioxide is in the air" tina said
" oh u forgot the micro-pollutants and water vapour " I quipped in
" THROW THEM OUT OF THE CLASS" riya shouted
" guys whats wrong with u...how can u be so heartless ...look at riya she needs us" bhavna said
" NO SHE NEEDS BRAIN WHICH IS SERIOUSLY NOT WORKING" adu and tina cried
"But guys last night he sent me a beautiful song...jeene laga hun pehle se zyada" riya told us
" kyun be ...pehle zombie tha kya ?" shivi smirked
I began laughing uncontrollably.....sexys stare asked me to get out of the room, finish the laughing stock and then enter
" but I felt ki that song was made for us" riya wailed
" right and chaar bottle vodka was made for me" shivu winked
" abbe stop crying like a girl....pagal ye soch bala tali...use to extrovert ka meaning bhi nhi pta tha ...kitna dumb tha" vibu said
" riya ENOUGH....if u r done crying and finishing almost 2 damn tissue boxes and 1 large chocolate icecram which u didn't bother sharing...then listen to me....its not ur life, stand up, move forward, achieve everything u want, don't run after people for god sake" I finally made a speech

everyone was staring at me as if  a bhooo ghost [ a type of ghost which is created by me and adu]
had entered my body and given me exactly the right words to speak


" yeah...maybe" riya faintly smiled
" that doesn't mean ki we have forgiven u of eating 180rs large bucket of icecream all alone" adu giggled


AND WE ALL BEGIN TO LAUGH.....







2 weeks later
"GODDAMN U GUYS...RIYA AND ADU ARE WAITING FOR US AT THE STATION ...MOVE FASTER" I SAID not realizing ki we 5 were stuck in an auto....they had been waiting for 60 mins and surprisingly none of them pestered to call...I was getting worried as riya always called even if we were 15 secs late
" bhaiya zara jaldi chaliya na" vibu and I pleaded
" madam auto hai...rocket nhi h" he reprimanded
" buffalo ki aankh" shivi screamed

so after 20 minutes we reach the station and and we found no trace of riya ad adu
I was seriously freaking out....they were alwys the first ones coming running to us and abusing whenever we were late ...but now I couldn't see them
" lets see in café coffee day...maybe wahan hon" bhavna suggested
" abbe inn kuton k pas paise honge nhi...ccd m jhak marne gye honge kya? impossible"
" THERE THEY ARE!" vibu and tina screamed
" ye GADHE ccd m kya karrhe hain...paise kahan se aye inke paas...?" sexy commented

so there riya an adu were sitting with a firang guy....WHAT! FIRANG? I rubbed my eyes twice
riya was wearing her lbd and peep toes and sipping on cold coffee

" f***....ab isne kisko pataliya?" shivu cursed
shivu took my hand and we entered inside ccd while the rest waited outside
" welcome to ccd...what wud u like to have?"
" chutiyapa se mukti....dila skta hai?" shivu was screaming

riya still hadn't noticed us...she was BLOODILY ENGROSSED

" riya we are getting late" shivu screamed ...nobody took notice[ whenever shivu tries to pick an accent I swear its the most funniest thing u will ever hear]
" abbe hindi m bol" I tried sarcasm
' good idea"
for a moment I thot she was making sarcasm out of my stupid idea but within 10 secs I realized she was shouting in pure hindi" RIYA ..HUME DERI HORHI HAI..YATRI APKI PAREEKSHA KARRHE HAIN..KRIPYA JALDI COFFEE THOOSYI OR FIRANGAN KO ALVIDA KAHIYE"


2 MIN SILENCE....THE WHOLE AFE WENT QUITE AND THEY WERE LOOKING AT US AS IF WE WERE SOME ALIENS LET LOOSE....AND BELIEVE ME EVERY DAMN SINGLE PERSON WAS LOOKING AT US!

I held shivus hand and ran out of the café to not face further embarrassment
after 5 mins riya came out beaming
" GUYS GUESS WHAT...WHO GOT ALEXS NUMBER? AND UMM A DATE WITH HIM...MEEEEEE"
" guys guess what who is going to get beaten and abused in the middle of the metro station....RIYAA" SHIVU screamed
and we all ran after her and I was running the last in the row acoz of just 1 reason: MY STUPID UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER which made the copassengers scared and adu to spill the rest of her coffee on the securitys clothes....and now all we had to do was LAUGH AND RUN

I hope u enjoyed our little roller coaster ride...please feel free to share ur experiences...I love to hear from u...and don't forget to COMMENT AND KEEP SMILING:)

 

THE ACCIDENTAL DATE

"once upon a time there lived a small little princess......she waited for a prince charming...."
"err...wait...LETS F*** the princess and get straight to the damn point nishi....u r such a kiddo baby" cried riya






lets stop and lemme tell u wats going on....this story is not about a princess nor a prince
its about a girl riya and her friends and how they find a suitable ..."{well see along how suitable he is :p } guy for her. before that ..lets c the character sketch


RIYA SAHINI,19, bipolar
typical punjabi version of kajol in k3g..
the girl who was born with a speaker in her throat
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single and very much desperate to mingle...{just make sure the guy has good english else , boy u r in a hell lot of trouble}


SHIVU,19
anorexic...makes the worlds best CHEESE SANDWICH {oh wait that was her mum }
JAT,proficient in 4 languages
1 english
2 hindi
3 sarcasm
4 profanity
MOTTO: if i dont insult u that means i dont like u { so basically she loves me the most in this world:p}
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: recently broke up with her 3rd boyfriend..is on a hunt for a new man who can feed her atleast 2 pizzas [cheeseburst] a day


SEXY,19
binge eater, way too lazy
worlds best cake baker{please place her orders...c sexy m doing publicity for u baby:p}
loves antique jewellery....sometimes can be mistaken as a tantrik
RELATIONSHIP STATUS; looking out for some rich tyagi...{tyagi boys please try ur luck:p}

ADU,19, the girl who takes leave from college bcoz her boyfriends little finger got swollen
full of psychological history...way too cute {until she opens her mouth and tries having a competition with me in eating kulcha roles}
loves writing the most depressing poems which somehow amazes all of us
has an amazing memory{still she forgets where she last kept her iphone}
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: dont even bother asking..its written COMPLICATED everywhere
she loves him one moment and the next is on  a world war 3 with him


TINA,20
will make a perfect mother in law some day
speaks clear truth even it means kicking someones ass off
loves eating therefore i luv her too
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: same as mine...loves books more than boys:p..NOT INTERESTED


VIBU,19
doesnt speak much...
loves drama...very sweet
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: NO COMMENTS


DARA, the problematic guy,21
a rich spoilt brat whom riya falls for{ god damn it..cudnt she find a bttr one}
is a 3 yr psychology student but still doesnt know who an extrovert is {wait mr dara till u meet riya ,

for whom the definition of extravert was made}

ALEX, THE LION{ok dont get me wrong hes not a lion..i prefer to call him ..u will understand why if yu have seen the movie MADAGASCAR...if not...dont even try decoding..hehee}
the socializable firang....or shud i call him the accidental BAIT
resides in germany..is the son of albert einstein...[ dude he is doing his majors in mathematics..its not a joke, i cant even calculate 2+2..ok fine thats too much i can do itna toh:p]









12 sept 2015
2 lecture
" OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD I DONT BELIVE DIS ...DARA ASKED ME OUT " Riya freaked out as soon as i came out of the lecture hall
" shut up riya...u asked him out bitch" shivi counterattacked
"not again riya" i and tina said together
"wats wrong with u..how could u go out with someone whom u just met a day back...mummy se poocha" i enquired
" isko bahar nikalo...24 ghante mummy mummy" sexy snapped at me
"aww...so cute " adu gushed


" guys hello? remember my first date..i gotta prepare for it" riya bought us back
"ohkay checklist
u need a lbd
a peep toe heel
some goodmake up
and a good hair day" our style guru sexy advised



"WHAT? NOW!" they all glared at me as i stared at them as  a complete fool coz i couldnt understand  a single word
" tuhe bas khana samjh m ata h ..rehne de..tumse na hopaega" shivi commented
"baby...lbd is a dress peep toes are shoes ...ab smjha baby?" sexy comforted me
" toh direct bolna tha na ki u need clothes and sport shoes...kitta dimaag kharab krte ho yaar" i beamed at my so called intelligence
"riya...dont worry MISSION DARA IS ON" adu came to her full bollywood mode

so after classes sexy n shivu took riya to shopping at edm ...they purchased the most elegant dresses and shoes...OH DONT U WORRY ABOUT THE MOOLAH...RIYA WILL DO ANYTHING TO IMPRESS DARA
after her shopping and saloon spree...she FINALLY called me up in the evening ..i was eating { as usual} and writing my practical { again as usual :p}
"nishi baby ...i m so excited"
"hmm"
"i hope he likes the dress"
"hmm"
"he will na? i hope it aint too short"{ i will kick her in the ass if she asks it again!..its 116th time she asked me this}
"hmm"
"u listening to me?"
"hmm"
" u noe u need some communication manners...u lack them"
"hmm"
"WHAT THE...." and she stopped ..she knew how much i hated abuses ..
"nishi..please say something naa"
" wat riyaa...wat shud i say...i say dont waste ur time on such stupid things..bt u arnt gonna listen are u? .."
"nishi....i want someone who can handle me" {ok can someone tell me how to get out of the phone and kick her ass ...PLEASEEEE!! shes not listening to me man!...just not bothered ....and now she wants someone who can handle her...WHY? is she a zoo animal who needs handling?!}
i decided to keep my comments to myself and got back eating
"nishiiiii...i need a person who is caring,sweet,whom i can dominate" riya wailed
"jaa..kutta leaa" shivi suddenly propped up from nowhere
"guys...cmon be xcited"
"ye saare guys are same riya...." tina pitched in
"to kisne bola sabko try krne ko...ek hi ko pakad na" sexy laughed off
"all d best riya" vibu too replied
"oh ..nishi..wens the test on poverty?"vibu asked
"next week..kuch start ni kia yaar"
"INN DONO KO GROUP SE BAHAR NIKALOOO" riya and shivu screamed
"yaar how should i begin ..i mean hi hello...fir?" riya asked
"fir kya....wo tujhse poochega ...do u like me n then tu bolna"just as friends" " tina was upteem with her awesome comments
"seriously idk wen did a ufo dropped and dumped all thses stupid people and now they have let these aliens loose and apparently that ufo aint coming back" sexy quipped targeting at me and vibu
"GUYS...BACK TO ME!" riya said
"oh yeah...so all set?" adu asked
"hmm...but i am not sleepy..i dont noe y" riya blushed
"abbey zyada pyar vaar ka natak mat kr..tu dopahar m khub soti h!" shivi sarcasm was at the level best
" gunnite guys...its 10:30 ...sleeping time " i said n retired to bed
"ekyahan isko neend nhi arhi doosra salaa kumbhkaran ki dukan...jaa bey" sexy said
"gunnite baby" adu said




11:45
MISSION DARA ABORTED
RIYA LEFT
SHIVU LEFT
SEXY LEFT.....so basically a panic call woke me up...riya...was crying...DARA HAD BLOCKED HER
okay so in the middle of my sleep i get a call where all her dream plans almost shattered
"its ok riya...he was a jerk" sexy tried calming her
"abbey tereko pehle hi bola tha shaadi tak k plan mat soch" tina sighed
" noo...maine to bacho k naam bhi soch lie the..he shattered me...i m so broken" riya wailed
i started laughing in my sleep....2 bacho ki planning like seriously... u goota kidding me
unfortunately they heard my giggles
" omg...dont be so insensitive re" adu said
"maine kaha hai isko nikalo grp se" shivu was convinced that i had lost my brainsss...
"riya..u will find some one better tha him" tina said
"aww..riyu....uske saamne kam english jhadni thi na...ab koi ni...insaan galtiyon se seekhta h" shivi tried supporting
admist all this i was snoring...and suddenly woke up wen riya was screaming and wailing on the reciever
' guys i have a good idea...lets sleep over it...n kl milke lets c..ok? riya its all ok...sojaa"
"cool'
"done"
"sure"
" i miss him" riya said

SLEEP RIYA! all of screamed at her....




by the way i am very sure we all have a hetrogeneous mixture of friends who make u laugh, cry, and wat not...and these stupid things that riya is crying on now...trust me after 1o years wen she will have her chuunu munnu running around with a rich guy [as she dreams] , she will have a hell lot of time laughing at her own self

WANNA NOE WAT HAPPENED NEXT? PLEASE STAY TUNED IN FOR THE UPDATE
AND PLEASE LEAVE UR COMMENTS UNDER...THEY MEAN ALOT

TILL THEN
SAYONARA
KEEP SMILING:)

THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT DAUGHTER

THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT DAUGHTER

“enough!” I screamed

“this is high time now …..you are really taking advantage of my goodness?” mom shrieked

GOODNESS? Seriously…what is the goodness is continuously dragging ur daughter into an unnecessary conversation which is gonna end in “I am not gonna talk to you until I die” and the next minute turn to her and say “bhook lagi h”.

Before you form any judgment about me that how ruthless as I a daughter I am let me tell u , this is not the ONLY adjective I describe for myself….my dad uses even a better one …its called “HOPELESS” with stupid giggles in the background with my lil sister…whose not ACTUALLY THAT LITTLE.

“how many times….how many times do I have to explain u to keep ur shoes on the rack, bag in the cupboard and bread in the fridge…..its like I am talking to the walls” my mum complained

“she DOES hve a figure of that of a wall, large and heavy…” my sister commented

“hey…u …mind ur own business….buzz off” I snapped back…sometimes my sister is such a pain in the ass….with all that stupid drama she tries to create huh

Anyways lets listen to some more amazing defects in me

“u don’t even know how to make simple chapattis ….what more should I expect of you…” mum was almost screaming

“look , its not that I cant …its just I don’t want to…why do u always shift to the cooking thing..its for stupid girls” and suddenly I realized that this comment had made both my mum and sis go complete bonkers and the look on their faces said “GO TALK TO DAD”

SHIT

So I enter my dads study [I feel like a criminal , the way he is removing his specs and both the ladies standing behind him as if to say”BANISH HER”

“ok …umm can u guys be a little less dramatic , hey u” I signaled my sister

“yes u….why are u here? Go out” I ordered …I didn’t want my sister to look at the parade that was just going to begin.

“I am here to see the entertainment” she laughed me off

[pathetic! She was so not sympathetic forget supportive….and I glared back in her eyes giving her the last warning to back off as I couldn’t say anything in front of dad lest all the blame would end up on me which was oh-not-so-cool]

“listen….”my dad began in his grim voice..[get ready for the next 2 hours…I consoled myself]

“I heard what ur mum said…u r not at all helping with the household work…”

“yeah….but I am not interested” I casually replied

“look  everyone has to work to make a house run properly , the same way a cars tyres work together…we too have to support each other”

I started laughing hysterically in my mind  at this car thing, what was next …a trucks six tyres then a rails …and then?!!...wow my dads capable of making me laugh

AND THEN I REALIZED THAT THIS MINDFUL LAUGHTER TOOK THE ROUTE FROM MY VOCAL CHORDS AND WAS NOW SUPER AUDIBLE WITH MY PARENTS STARING AT ME AS IF I WAS A MENTAL PATIENT GIVING A SOLID PROOF TO BE PUT IN THE ASYLUM

“whats there to laugh?...dear I am warning u, mend ur ways” my dad firmly said

“and waise bhi look at urself…u don’t dress up like girls always sitting in pyjamas and shorts, speak stupid sarcasm to ur sister all day, listen to loud noise[can someone correct him ….for god sake its EDM], play with stray animals, feed them the milk we give to u, don’t know how to cross the raod……be on the phone whole day”  “please papa…all my mails and docs are in my smartphone …u don’t expect me to carry a laptop the whole day and I chat with my friends only in a limited time..u only pay my phone bills…has it ever exceeded 200?” I defended

“when we were ur age we spent 1 rs per month and carried a whole rucksacks on our back…huh look at u…cant even carry a laptop bag” he began

“that was years ago !! papaa please …” I pleaded

“ what is the benefit of explaining u the meaning of hardwork ….it just goes over ur head! I am at a loss of a word….u r completely”

“A HOPELESS DUFFER” my sister shrugged

How dare she?

“yeah exactly…now why don’t u first teach ur lil daughter some manners?” I was getting really angry

My dad glared at my sister and she went out of the room

Thankgod I sighed a breath of relief

“u don’t clean up ur mess….u don’t water the plants…u forget ur wallet at home…u r such a kid! When will u grow up” my dad put his hand on the table.

“BAS!....HOW MANY MORE IMPERFECTIONS? Goddd is it my mistake that u guys gave me the defective genes?!.....i am never gonna talk to u people until I die” and I stomp out of the room tearfully and go in my room

After 5 hours

“princess”

“I am not talking to u…go away”

“princess…I have made aloo parantha …come and have some na” mum requested

“baby, come out now else I am coming in” my dad said

“do whatever u want to , I am still not talking”

“ok  fine…kittu ..u eat didis parantha…”mom replied

“certainly, waise bhi moti hoti jaarhi h” she shouted

I ran out of the room ….snatch my plate

“no one eats MY aloo parantha” I say and start eating without making any eye contact

“look dear…u are such a good daughter …why do u act stubborn sometimes” my mum softly patted on my back

“invalid question…I am still not talking” and I continue eating

“ok as u wish” dad said

And I realized that after this no one will come and talk to me and explain me…..so I gulped my yoghurt …cleared my voice and knowing that it was my mistake that I talked so rudely and didn’t clear my mess and all …so basically  I had to initiate

“mum dad…?”

“hmm”

“ I AM SORRY”

Both looked at me with love in their eyes and said “its ok…we know u r so good but just try some time managing ….promise princess?”

“pinky promise” I squealed

And both hugged me….{ with jagjit singhs kagaz ki kashti in the background}

“abbe o….didi ne mujhe sorry nhi bola” my sister frowned

“bolunga bhi nhi” I laughed and run away with her plate of aloo parantha :p

Lifes too short to remain angry ,and that too with our beautiful families,….islie always make them “KEEP SMILINGJ”

I LOVE U ONLY TILL U SAY ME "BACHA" 100 TIMES A DAY

"lets break up"
"why are u doing this?...just  because i didnt come for that stupid pyjama party last night?"
"yes....i always come to ur parties ...why dont u come to mine?"
"coz shona they all are pinky and girly....why dont u get it...what is my role sitting among u girls talking shit about some maybellines new nailpaint....comon..."



"HAHAAA....WHAT A DUMBASS" i started laughing hysterically not realizing that i was sitting in a public transport called metro and had let my mindful comments come out through my mouth. the girl sitting next to me, it suddenly dawned upon her that her iphone watsapp conversation was being read by me.....{ ok dont form any judgement about me....i dont peep into someones chat but she was sitting just a centimetre away and i was attracted to her phone cover which had tom and jerry on it ...moreover my earphones had just stopped working and i was getting completely bored before i boarded at my station which was about 60 minutes away.....so clearly i didnt do it intentionally...if u gotta blame  somebody ....it has to b tom and jerry and not me..:p}

the slim girl with perfectly straight hair and an amazing tom and jerry cover gave me a scary glare as if asking me  to back off.....so i did get scared as her big over black smudged with kohl eyes stared right into mine .....yes i backed off but that was till next 30 seconds when her phone beeped again....diagonally eyeing the entertaining conversation....the phone screen displayed "babu calling"

OH MY GOD! IS IT FOR REAL.....LIKE SERIOUSLY ....the pretty girl had her boyfriends name saved as BABU .....ITS MORE THAN MORONIC SHIT I CAN EVER EXPECT....ok maybe i should stop expecting....you never know ...she might bump into your infant cousin at the polio booth next ravivaar with her boyfriend pleading him "babu ...do boond zindagi ki bas" and if it does happen oh boy i am cent percent sure that boyfriend will die of heartattack ...hahahhahahaaa:P


"okay one last chance .....ill see u today at richas house ok?' she ordered
" yeah ....now please give me that smile" the bechara boyfriend pleaded for the maharanis mercy
":)" she texted
"no , a good smile"
okay i was really having the most hilarious time....what did the dumbass expect..to give him all her teeth and smile toothless?!!

the tom and jerry girl blushed.....really ....how can someone blush on such a cheesy filmy line?
and i shud definitely stop calling her the "tom and jerry girl" as she clearly was the most difficult person to cheer up in the whole world ...she does not deserve a tom and jerry cover...i guess she cud carry a mean girls kinda cover...[ am i over obsessing about the phone cover....maybe yes ....mine doesnt have a tom and jerry:p]

"ok fine:)))" she replied
"thats like my bacha" he gushed
CAN I KICK THEM ....BACHA BABU SHONA NEXT WHAT....? GOLGAPPA?...KULCHA CHOLA.?..RAJMA CHAWAL?....CHICKEN NAAN.?..IT CAN EVEN GO TO INFINITE LENGHTS DAMN IT!?!!

"khana khaya" the girl asked in a motherly tone
"hmm ...an hour ago" he replied
"mera top leaye?"
"hmm"
"movie tickets book karwayin?"
"hmm"

OKAY...THIS KIND OF INTERROGATION I AM SURE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN FACED BY INDRANI MUKERJEE.....I AM REALLY EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHETHER  THIS GIRLS NEXT GONNA ASK "POTTY KRLI?" ..... :p
imagining all such comments in my mind i tried ...i literally did try really hard to control my laughter but my brain and neurons were not getting the synaptic messages and i started grinning . a aunty sitting in front of me who was busy in applying all sorts of creams on her face saw me with a confused look as if "who the hell are u n y are u looking at my creams which promises to make me look10 years younger" ...it was enough of staring so i stared right back as if to  say" hey lady ...the last thing i am bothered on this earth is about ur damn creams....heheee" tit for tat

"any more questions bacha?"
"yes"
"what now?" i cud sense the annoyance in the creeps reply
"why are u getting frustated....nahin ana party m to mat ao naa....bhaav kyu khaarhe ho?"
"bhaav nhi kharha bacha ....{god somebody ban the word bacha.....}...its just i need to go to pee...will come back in 10 mins"
"10 mins?!!....so long...peeing only takes 4 mins ....why are u taking 6 mins extra...and waise bhi baad mein jaana ...mera station is about to come after 10 mins only..,.ok?"
"hmm"
CAN SOMEONE CONVINCE THIS GIRL THAT THE  BOY WONT BE ABLE TO HOLD IT FOR EVEN 2 SECS.!!!!...I AM PRETTY SURE THAT BY THIS TIME HE MUST HAVE TAKEN HIS PHONE TO THE WASHROOM :P

"Why are u replying in hmm....wats wrong?"
"nothing.....WUD U STOP BEING SO CRAZYYY...U R DRIVING ME MAD...I JUST WANTED TO PEE AND EVEN IN THIS U MANAGED TO BRING THE BREAKUP THING IN BETWEEN...I M SICK OF U"










BABU
OFFLINE







after 10 mins of staring like an utter fool in her iphone and changing her dps 15 times which constituted messages like ...."broken hearts still work"
"saying u love me doesnt prove it"
and exactly after 5 seconds she messages him "SORRY:0"


"ITS OK BACHA ...M SORRY TOO" he instantly replied
"it was all  my fault"
"no bacha it was mine"
"no mine"
"mine"
"mine"
"nooo bacha mine"



KASHMERE GATE:MY STATION HAD COME BUT THEIR "MINES WERE NOT GETTING OVER"
i started laughing so loud that this girl finally asked me...."whats ur problem kiddo?"
"umm...no nothing..i was just wondering from where did u get that tom and jerry cover"

AND THE GATE CLOSED BEFORE SHE CUD SAY ANYTHING WHICH COULD INCLUDE HIGH CLASS ABUSES :P..{HEHEEEE}


i went back home laughing all the way round wondering that this was the reason why honey singh makes such dignified songs on girls u noe :p




my heart goes out to all those bechara guys who have to face such fancy whims at regular basis...
moral of the story: relationships are injurious to health....wo apke dil m tar bharte hain....itna tar jo apko beemar banaskta h ....bahut beemar.....heheeeee OFCOURSE I AM NOT AGAINST LOVE OR SOMETHING...I LUV MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS TOO BUT PEOPLE LIKE THESE ARE COMPLETELY EPIC AND ONE SHOULD NOT LEAVE A SINGLE CHANCE TO TEASE THEM,,,,HEHHEEEE...KIDDING

enjoy life...have fun...dream big and let these small things make u laugh like a budhaa
KEEP SMILING:)

STOP CRAVING....START CARING

One of my friends whom i met after a really long time had the old same complaint....."dude....u dont meet me anymore...no more calls...no messages....i realize so much has changed since school" renee said.
renee sharma, my classmate, my competitor { we used to have competitions on who wud eat lunch first....n guess what...it was always me...just realized atleast i am good at something}, my homework buddy {i used to do her social and she did my maths and the next day , our sir had gotten both of us on our knees for doing each others work}
and now after 2 years we were sipping on our coffees......talking or shud i say....one was ranting and complaining and the other defending
"no yaar....nothing like that.....its just ki time nhi milta ..." i replied in the same old fashion
" yeah....." she sighed
renee suddenly got up and picked up her bag and got ready to leave...." chal bro....lets go..."
" yeah ...sure" {have u guys felt it too? there is always an uncanny awkwardness when two old friends meet ...u feel that the time has created a gap ...its like u both have something to say but something stops u from doing it......}
so we both left with formal goodbyes and fake promises to keep in touch.
she left with her brother who came to pick her
so i took up the metro and left....out of nowhere i dialled my mothers phone.....without even telling her something she sensed that i wasnt completely my "normal happy" {though a 1000 times i have asked mum wats the difference between being normal and abnormal happy and she always reply it to me with a single word BUDHU....fine i am not gonna ask 1001 timth }
"listen to me baby....today be a friend ...a blessing...take time to care...let ur words heal and not wound and u know now what u should do...." mum said
" ahaaannnn...hell yes...i gotta go mum...i luv u...." i screamed on the phone and got off the next station . i ran like mad towards the opposite side banging my head against people ....had my shrug fly in the air just like srk did in om shanti om and BOOM ....i fell against the wall .....damn it ...this wasnt some bollywood chick flick and i wasnt any srk....the tweeties around my head bought me back to reality ...{heheee i could direct even better than karan johar....if it was upto me...i wud hv made myself fly like krish ...shout like sunny deol and some flower showers for special effect and oh yeah... the most imp horror part...the dhoomtanaaaaa background music with 3 turn backs ....c i told u.....blame it on yashraj to fill our minds with such crap :p }
"are u ok" a middle aged woman asked m as she picked me up from my mess
"alive....thnks" i smiled weakly at her
OH NOOOO....the metro in which she wud be has arrived ....i cant be possibly lying on the floor creating gadar 2 in my imagination....i got up and ran like usain bolt { ok fine....like pt usha....damn u....ok....not below this .....ran like scooby doo when he sees the ghost}
"YESSSS I MADE IT RENEE" i yelled as i entered the coach.....and for the 3 rd time in life i felt like a super hero except who had made a damn dumb entry [heheeeee]...although the passengers looked at me as if i was a convict escaping from jail ....but with a burger in her hand...[ i cant stop thinking about food...can i :p]
"u crazy? what are u doing here?"
"just shut up....enough talks on weather and newspapers ....give me 5 minutes and do me a favor....KEEP UR MOUTH TAPED ELSE ULL HAVE TO PAY ME WITH UR TEETH"
"u....?"
" shut up.....listen
u meet someone
u get along like fire
u talk like theres gonna be no end
and suddenly someone stops trying
awkward communications
memories fade
the care and warmth vanishes
and next wen u meet ...all u can say is the weather is nice...and it ends
i m not let it end that way
do u get it?
u asked me did i miss u...HEELLL YES ...I DID....
and i am sorry i never replied to ur emails....i care fr u idiot"
there was a 2 min silence and then renee spoke
"hogya tera ....sala nataunki ki height p h tu! and itti filmy speech kahan se dekhi be"
" instagram se" i replied dryly
"pata tha mujhe....ab looks hi deti rahegi ya hug bhi degi"
"naah...eww hugs are so girlieee...cheee m not giving u ...stay away"
and we both laughed hysterically
and yeah hugged too.....{she did...i didnt:p}








so yeah......this was it...guys its upto u how u want the story to end....and lemme tell u its just a fable out of my imagination which i really wish comes true with some of my family and friends whom i havent seen in ages.
guys we all  crave for care but if u introspect ...do we actually care? through this post i wanna say sorry to all my loved ones  on whom i keep screaming and pretend as if their sadness doesnt affect me.....but it does...so A BIG SORRY
people say its all about priorities....i say its all about satisfaction.....because priorities are a close ended process while satisfaction is indeed immortal....LIVE THE MOMENT....if u feel that u care for someone ....let them know coz everyones not a psychologist...{hahahaaaa.kidding} ...say wat u feel no matter how difficult it maybe...but ur one word of kindness can make someones day...trust me it works for diseases like sorrow grief and disappointments and i gurantee u that this remedy costs nothing more than a smile
i am not saying talk every single day...but my opinion is whenever u do talk...do it with 100% coz most of the problems arise due to lack of communication....caring doesnt need a pretty face or a cute eyes or a die hard smile....all it needs is a heart full of affection . enough of lecturing ....just DO WAT U WANT TO ....COZ ITS NEVER TOO LATE
{P S dont try my srk act in public...it maybe injurious to health and there are 200% chances of either getting a memory loss or paving ur way to a mental asylum....decision at owners own risk....and an open warning to everyone to not imagine a bollywood scene while falling down....it works with some alien species like me only....:p
KEEP CARING....be a star that is not afraid of expressing its sparkle even in dark
KEEP SMILING:)

RIVALS DURING THE DAY SIBLINGS BY NIGHT!

"DONT U DARE!" i shreiked as the last cookie of hide and seek was left and as usual my sis was eyeing on it.

"its mine di....u ate half the packet .....and then u say u want to lose weight" she commented

OH GOD....MY WEIGHT ...I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT { yes i am gonna crib about my weight till i deseve that song....47 weight kudi da :P...which i am cent percent sure is not gonna happen

" whatever.....that cookie is mine...stay away" i acted like a big sister which was oh not so obvious

" and u think ill let it go...huh....u r so damn wrong"she said

"what are u ...crazy?....its just a cookie....which is MINE MINE MINE..." i babbled

" IDGAF" she snapped

"wat the hell are u saying....speak human...damn it" i was on the verge of losing my temper

" oh di u r so budhu....its I DONT GIVE AWAY FOOD" she snorted{ OMG i dont blv dis...did she really expected me to understand it}

AS IF!....okay not to brag but she is seven years younger to me and i expect her to act that way ....what way?...of politely giving away the cookie to me and then hugging me back {ohkay fine we can leave the hug.its quite girlie..eww}....but what an amazing fact....ITS QUITE OPPOSITE 

"what noise are u girls making....what are u fighting about now" mumma cropped into the scene from nowhere

"mom , kittu is not giving me my last cookie" i complained

"why shud i? is ur name written on it"she said sarcastically

OKAY SO NOW MY SMALL SISTER WAS BEING SARCASTIC AT ME....LIKE REALLY....GHOR KALYUG

" okay u girls,.....stop being so silly ...divide it into half...ok?..u are my little princesses...right?" my mum tried to sort the chocochip fight between us

THE PRINCESS TRICKS ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME...HAHAAA

" ok mom" i said like a small princess wud say

'to hell with it...i hate princesses...i hate pink...wats wrong with u di...are u an alien or something" she retorted back as soon as mum turned her back around {ok fine agreed my rooms pink...the bedcovers are baby pink...my study decor is pink ....but its cute not like her black doraemon cupboard which sometimes scares me at night when i get up to drink water and see doraemons red eyes shining....so ghostly...i tell u ;O}

"cut the crap and divide it into half" i was getting impatient now...

CREAK the sound of the cookie being broken

"the right parts mine and the left ones is urs" she ordered

i knew where this was going  ...she had unequally divided my hide and seek :(

i never seem to get this "MY THING " rule...its something like daltons law of atomics...even being wrong we still read it:P so heres the rule

1 if i like it its mine

2 if i am holding it, its mine

3 if its mine...it cant be urs anyways!

4 if i looked at it first its mine

5 if u put it down,it automatically becomes mine

6 OVERALL EVERYTHINGS MINE......U R OUT OF THE PICTURE

"fine! its urs ...eat  it fatty" i walked away

few minutes later i hear a knock on my door....."what is it....i am not talking to u ....go away"

kittu opened the door and entered with a bowl of cookies filled

i tried pretending { GOSHHH its so hard to ignore it......"

" sorry di....come lets eat it together..."

"oeeeee.....really? thanku" i gushed at this sweet gesture { so yeah i underestimated the power of a common man....i mean my lil sis...i still cant stop smiling"}

mom was watching all this from a distance.,.." my sweet baby princesses ....see sharing makes it so much fun...no?" she gushed

AND I GUESS IT WAS TOO EARLY TO PRAISE TWO  CATS

"hey di...."

" yes...?"

" u r holding a cookie that has more choco chips ....thats mine" kittu chipped

"no....urs has more ...look ..." i tried pacifying her

"so give me urs"

" u r pathetic! " i shook my head in disbelief

"U BOTH ARE IMPOSSIBLE"mum said......AND THE  FIGHTING CONTINUES......

so friends, this raksha bandhan ....trust me.....gift hide and seeks to ur siblings.../.heheee

i am sure we are not the only ones who fight like crazy....and to prove my point am gonna tell another incident about my friend shivi and her nosy brother who is getting taller and taller....

so she took her bro to shopping to select a rakhi .....while browsing shivi teased him that shell tie a noddy on his wrist :P....to further annoy her....he declared that instead of taking 1000 rs from their dad , he would give shivu 25 rs every month on installment basis

god it feels so good to know that i am not alone.....another friend of mine...spee thats we call her....has a small sister who loves to evesdrop our conversation whenever we speak on the phone....we actually didnt know about it till the lil girl started to make weird noises on the phone

YAYYYY HENCE IT PROVES I AM NOT AN ALIEN AND ALL SIBLINGS ARE BORN WEIRD .....heheeeeee

i know that brothers and sisters can be really annoying but life without them is no fun.....its like the cartoon world without tom and jerry...

so my advise to all the siblings out there is KEEP ANNOYING AND SMILING  at ur bros n sis's 

it makes the world a better place .....of course not excluding the hide and seeks:P

HAPPY RAKSHA BANDHAN TO ALL MY FAMILY , FRIENDS AND READERS....MAY U ALL ALWAYS SHARE A GREAT BOND WITH UR SIBLINGS FOREVER....KEEP SMILING:)

and just so u know...i am gonna tie a doraemon on my brothers wrist....HAHAHAAAA

WHY SHOULD BABAS HAVE ALL THE FUN?

As i ...was scrolling down on the screen of my lappy....i hounded upon an article written by the former bollystar -twinkle khanna or now betterly known as mrs funnybones.

the newsfeed was on the recent scam on the beauty queen ...oops sorry the spiritual guru who applies chunk of choona with a hue of dark red lipstick and is a dream desire for every man who is lucky enough to make her dance { yeah fine...i guess i should probably stop doing this....dont wanna get arrested for it:p }

so as i went down to feed my comment , i came across a terribly conservative man who was at his hypocritical best.

quoting him  "twinkle khanna , can u please count the number of films u have done? cant u stick being a respectable housewife who has just to dress up while the nanny takes care of the kids? dont challenge our beliefs whn ur mind is idle"WOAHH such an ardent follower....indeed ...y not? after all she has such hot moves !

BLOODY HELL! look at the audacity this man has forloned......may heavens bless him with chunks of radhemaa dances ...heheee

even in this 21st century where our phones are getting thinner and faster and our minds FATTER AND STUPID ....this guy has proved that there are still households who dont respect the brains which are accidently gifted to us by self proclaimed gods like radhe maa 

"POPAT" thats the word i wud use to describe such dainty people who lure normal homo sapiens just to earn their bread and butter even if it means leaving no supper for their so called "sangat"

not that i am against the beliefs people hold or the faiths they have.....its simply COMMON SENSE which is lacking especially in india.

i mean ...to be honest i didnt know what exactly the case was ....to find out...i searched the net and was astonished to find huge similarity between radhe maa and lady gaga....{dude even lady gaga looks so decent n sober in front of her}

though m really happy for mr asaram.....he'll be getting a beautiful company in jail....or mr nirmal babaji who had an INVISIBLE teesri ankh that opened only wen samosas were served with green chutney ....it will now be opened to c radhe maa dancing

hey...just realized that karan johar alraedy knew about the make up lady's harkatein....thats the reason he invented the song "radha on the dance floor ....radha likes to party...radha likes to move that sexy body"...{ P.S .....shit! i m even fatter than radhe maa....good lord i really need to stop eating those kulcha rolls....bt damn it i cant do that....isnt there an easy way out to shed some kilos?....:p}

okay not deviating on my weight issues again....i zoomed the picture in which she was wearing a red bedsheet....oh wait ....that was her sari!....carrying a trishul....{ oh my my....me n my sister always buy hanumanjis gadha n trishul on every dushera .....does dat mean we are her distant cousins...NOOOO ...we need to stop buying the trishuls!!}

i personally dont mean to defame these godgurus....though its quite evident that i really respect the guy who claims to cure tuberculosis by eating paneeer chilla with red ketchup.....doctors? u listening ...i think u should throw ur degrees n scalpels n pick up knives and spices and learn to make the  paneer chilla! by the way...can they help me in losing my weight and not leaving my chola kulchas too ..:p

this time i m not gonna end with keep smiling....its gotta be large...KEEP LAUGHING :)