THE UNAPPOLOGETIC STALKER

it was a usual normal day for me {for a change...hehehee}...but destiny doesn't like me leading a NORMAL life...so therefore for its sole entertainment purposes , it presents me with a variety of twists and turns.
so, my so called normal day began with me getting up at 6, freshening up and going to the lovely garden outside my home to get some fresh air. as I started walking in the peaceful jogging comlex with my headphones on listening back to back hits of selena gomez....{mannn...shes so amazing!}
while walking...specifically in my colonys garden wasn't an easy task...u had to greet EVERY DAMN PERSON u meet...thankfully...only its just a bunch of old fellows..the uncles and aunties who leave no stone unturned t remind me thet how as a baby I used to wet my pants in their lap or scream with joy while looking at a baby pup...{no matter I still do that..OH NO ..NO NO NO not wetting the pants thing but chasing small puppies, cats and squirrels in my park..trust me they are adorable creatures with sparkling eyes , wagging tails and waiting for me to feed them bread and milk..while my mum shouts in the background" COME BACK RIGHT NOW, I GAVE THAT MILK TO U NOT TO THAT STUPID DOG..." and when I don't listen ..the typical Punjabi mom takes the loud Punjabi avtar and screams" TU AIDHAR AA...MERI GAL NU MAAN LE NI TEH EK CHIDHAD PADEGA SAARA DHOODH NIKAL JANNA HAI...AITHE.....ABHI!"

AND when mum speaks Punjabi it means its high time before I get a slipper thrown at me....please don't get my mum wrong...shes the sweetest person ull ever come across in ur life but the point is she doesn't like dogs that much and from "THAT MUCH " I MEAN....very very much...
whenever me and my sister plead for a pet she just has one response " EITHER ME OR PET"

{ PS ab we cant choose pet even if we want so we reluctantly say no mum...how could u say that and the conversation is ended there and then}

okay so I again deviated from the topic .......now I was listening to my music and oblivious of any thing around me I kept on wiggling my neck and shake my hands...{ come on who wont dance to CHITTIYAN KALIYAN}....so unconsciously I was dancing in my head ....
out of nowhere I felt I was being followed....that creepy feeling suddenly crept into me...its like I immediately sensed something wrong but obviously I was so fear stricken to look around back to see who was following me...I lowered the volume a bit and kept on walking....I heard those giant footsteps with heavy breath was continuing to be behind my back....but I was really scared to do anything...
I decided to walk a little faster but I realized that gradually those footsteps were now nearing quite quick
it was really a harrowing experience for me...such a thing had never happened before..though all those defense training tips were coming into my mind but I really had no courage and go up to him and use it...it was a feeling that it was my last day on earth and there was no way I could escape it....even chanting the hanuman chalisa didn't help much

after 5 mins I saw that the stalker was gone..like vanished...disappeared into nowhere
I breathe out a sigh of relief....
"thanku hanumanji..u saved me....thankyu thanku thanku itta saara" I thanked him 1000 times...



AND THEN...I SAW EVERYONE IN THE PARK FREEZE...I CUDNT HEAR THE COMMOTION THAT WAS GOING ON AS MUSIC WAS BLARING INTO MY EARS...

I TURNED AROUND AND A SAW MY NEIGHBOURHOOD UNCLE WAVING TOWARDS ME ASKING ME TO FREEZE....I took out my headphones .asking" what happened uncleji"
he screamed " beta Dario mat...bas mudio naa..hum abbhi ate hain ..just freeze ok?..he will do no harm" AND THATS WHATS CALLED HUMAN TENDENCY..I DID EXACTLY THAT WAS DENIED TO ME AND INSTRUCTED TO ME TO NOT DO....I TURNED AROUND AND

















"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   MUMMMYYYYYY PAPPPAAAAAA...MUMMMYYYY"i was screaming at the top of my lungs


IT WAS THE STALKER...HIS EYES WERE BLOODY RED...AND HE HELD A TWIG IN FRONT OF ME....HIS HAIRY SKIN MADE HIM LOOK NO LESS THAN A MONSTER...






 an hour later I was lying on my bed with my parents and neighbours surrounding me..it felt surreal..i thought I was going to heaven...BLOODY HELL!!
 they covered me as they do in old hindi movies, I slowly got up , opened my eyes and apparently I had fainted out of shock...I pinched myself to confirm that I was still alive and the stalker didn't kill me...
" beta ji...apko kaha tha na darne ko...ap to chillane hi lage" the uncle said perplexed
" but uncle...the stalker..the stalker..." I choked  and started coughing....mum bought me some water
" beta ji, wo bechare stalker ko tumne hi dara dia"
" did I?"
" yes u did...by the way the mcd has now taken him into custody...hes locked in a cage"
" WHAT? CAGE?
"han betaji, ek BANDAR KO AUR KAHAN BAND KARENGE?"





and I put my face into my hands and giggled shyly out of the embarrassment...AFTER ALL..IT WAS A LITTLE MONKEY and we all began laughing at my stupidity


THANKU DESTINY FOR SCREWING ME UP
:P
ENJOY LIFE....STAY STRONG
KEEP SMILIMG:)

THE ACCIDENTAL DATE PART 2

heyaaa....
excited for the part 2?! ME TOO!!

lets bring it on!

so now we will be introducing two new characters

BHAVNA, 19
the little miss practical who is against having emotions
is on a Gandhi-british fight with her grandparents

ALEX THE LION,22
son of albert Einstein as previously told
is in india for an internship at some space institute...[ can someone ask him to please take me for a ride in the rocker...PLEASSSEEE!!]

13 SEPT
9 AM
AFTER THE 1ST LECTURE


" I don't believe this...dara blocked me...hes such a bastard!" riya was crying
[god its so hard to see someone cry...where on one hand riya was crying , I on the other hand was thinking how many more litres was she planning to shed as the tissues were now vanishing with every passing second....I thought it would be better not to open my mouth else these guys will definitely kick me off]

"but what happened?" bhavna and vibu asked
"hona kya tha....gadhe ka bachaa itti highfi English sun k darr gya hoga " shivi said
"but why the hell he blocked u?" sexy enquired
" I don't know guys...I called him up...but he aint even picking my call...now what...my lbd...my shoes..my makeup, all has gone waste....I will never get somebody in my life..i am so ugly..." she began wailing more loudly

[UGLY?? seriously riya...have u almost forgotten about the guy who chased u around for 2 months after the blind date u had with him? or 155 likes on ur pic...out of which 154 are guys!!.....UFF THESE GIRLS I TELL U!]

suddenly her phone beeps

its DARAA"  riya screamed
"WHAT! PICK UP" all of us said
"noo...I am not going to ...its my turn to show the ego"
" are u kidding me riya...2 secs ago..hes so cute..i miss him and now return of the kuttiya,the bitch!" snapped bhavna
"ok fine" riya admitted


" hello"
" hi riya"
" hi"
"hw are u?" he asked  [ god even the boys are so dumb...dude what do u expect..the ladys been crying ganga jamuna for u and u have the audacity to ask how she is...please don't tell me u expect her to say..i am so happy..jumping from the Eiffel tower wanna come?]
" fine....so what happened?" she enquired
" look riya..don't get me wrong ... I DIDNT BLOCK U.. it was an accident..actually my brother cme home late drunk last night..and in the heat of the moment he blocked all my friends" he tried explaining [ ok so now hes got a family of drug addicts which riya was gushing over and had plans of marrying into the dara family]
" oh....are u speaking the truth?" she softly asked
" yes and as far as our date was concerned I am sorry I cant carry it forward too..please don't get me in other way..its just that we don't know each other and frankly I was really intimidated by u"
" okay" she was now replying in monosyllables  [ guys one piece of advice..when the girl starts responding in one word...it clearly means WARNING....ABOUT TO BLAST ANYTIME SOON IF U DONT USE UR BLOODY BRAIN]
" I hope we are cool now?" he asked
" yeah yeah"
" cool then..lets just stick being friends."
"bye"
"bye"



2 mins silence





arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.....aeinnnnnnn....soon the whole college was hearing different types of cries
riya was banging the table and kept cursing the boy
me and tina were sitting across the table but had to rush over her else she was about to flood the whole classroom
" I thought love was in the air" riya squealed
" what love? only nitrogen oxygen and carbon dioxide is in the air" tina said
" oh u forgot the micro-pollutants and water vapour " I quipped in
" THROW THEM OUT OF THE CLASS" riya shouted
" guys whats wrong with u...how can u be so heartless ...look at riya she needs us" bhavna said
" NO SHE NEEDS BRAIN WHICH IS SERIOUSLY NOT WORKING" adu and tina cried
"But guys last night he sent me a beautiful song...jeene laga hun pehle se zyada" riya told us
" kyun be ...pehle zombie tha kya ?" shivi smirked
I began laughing uncontrollably.....sexys stare asked me to get out of the room, finish the laughing stock and then enter
" but I felt ki that song was made for us" riya wailed
" right and chaar bottle vodka was made for me" shivu winked
" abbe stop crying like a girl....pagal ye soch bala tali...use to extrovert ka meaning bhi nhi pta tha ...kitna dumb tha" vibu said
" riya ENOUGH....if u r done crying and finishing almost 2 damn tissue boxes and 1 large chocolate icecram which u didn't bother sharing...then listen to me....its not ur life, stand up, move forward, achieve everything u want, don't run after people for god sake" I finally made a speech

everyone was staring at me as if  a bhooo ghost [ a type of ghost which is created by me and adu]
had entered my body and given me exactly the right words to speak


" yeah...maybe" riya faintly smiled
" that doesn't mean ki we have forgiven u of eating 180rs large bucket of icecream all alone" adu giggled


AND WE ALL BEGIN TO LAUGH.....







2 weeks later
"GODDAMN U GUYS...RIYA AND ADU ARE WAITING FOR US AT THE STATION ...MOVE FASTER" I SAID not realizing ki we 5 were stuck in an auto....they had been waiting for 60 mins and surprisingly none of them pestered to call...I was getting worried as riya always called even if we were 15 secs late
" bhaiya zara jaldi chaliya na" vibu and I pleaded
" madam auto hai...rocket nhi h" he reprimanded
" buffalo ki aankh" shivi screamed

so after 20 minutes we reach the station and and we found no trace of riya ad adu
I was seriously freaking out....they were alwys the first ones coming running to us and abusing whenever we were late ...but now I couldn't see them
" lets see in café coffee day...maybe wahan hon" bhavna suggested
" abbe inn kuton k pas paise honge nhi...ccd m jhak marne gye honge kya? impossible"
" THERE THEY ARE!" vibu and tina screamed
" ye GADHE ccd m kya karrhe hain...paise kahan se aye inke paas...?" sexy commented

so there riya an adu were sitting with a firang guy....WHAT! FIRANG? I rubbed my eyes twice
riya was wearing her lbd and peep toes and sipping on cold coffee

" f***....ab isne kisko pataliya?" shivu cursed
shivu took my hand and we entered inside ccd while the rest waited outside
" welcome to ccd...what wud u like to have?"
" chutiyapa se mukti....dila skta hai?" shivu was screaming

riya still hadn't noticed us...she was BLOODILY ENGROSSED

" riya we are getting late" shivu screamed ...nobody took notice[ whenever shivu tries to pick an accent I swear its the most funniest thing u will ever hear]
" abbe hindi m bol" I tried sarcasm
' good idea"
for a moment I thot she was making sarcasm out of my stupid idea but within 10 secs I realized she was shouting in pure hindi" RIYA ..HUME DERI HORHI HAI..YATRI APKI PAREEKSHA KARRHE HAIN..KRIPYA JALDI COFFEE THOOSYI OR FIRANGAN KO ALVIDA KAHIYE"


2 MIN SILENCE....THE WHOLE AFE WENT QUITE AND THEY WERE LOOKING AT US AS IF WE WERE SOME ALIENS LET LOOSE....AND BELIEVE ME EVERY DAMN SINGLE PERSON WAS LOOKING AT US!

I held shivus hand and ran out of the café to not face further embarrassment
after 5 mins riya came out beaming
" GUYS GUESS WHAT...WHO GOT ALEXS NUMBER? AND UMM A DATE WITH HIM...MEEEEEE"
" guys guess what who is going to get beaten and abused in the middle of the metro station....RIYAA" SHIVU screamed
and we all ran after her and I was running the last in the row acoz of just 1 reason: MY STUPID UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER which made the copassengers scared and adu to spill the rest of her coffee on the securitys clothes....and now all we had to do was LAUGH AND RUN

I hope u enjoyed our little roller coaster ride...please feel free to share ur experiences...I love to hear from u...and don't forget to COMMENT AND KEEP SMILING:)

 

THE ACCIDENTAL DATE

"once upon a time there lived a small little princess......she waited for a prince charming...."
"err...wait...LETS F*** the princess and get straight to the damn point nishi....u r such a kiddo baby" cried riya






lets stop and lemme tell u wats going on....this story is not about a princess nor a prince
its about a girl riya and her friends and how they find a suitable ..."{well see along how suitable he is :p } guy for her. before that ..lets c the character sketch


RIYA SAHINI,19, bipolar
typical punjabi version of kajol in k3g..
the girl who was born with a speaker in her throat
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single and very much desperate to mingle...{just make sure the guy has good english else , boy u r in a hell lot of trouble}


SHIVU,19
anorexic...makes the worlds best CHEESE SANDWICH {oh wait that was her mum }
JAT,proficient in 4 languages
1 english
2 hindi
3 sarcasm
4 profanity
MOTTO: if i dont insult u that means i dont like u { so basically she loves me the most in this world:p}
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: recently broke up with her 3rd boyfriend..is on a hunt for a new man who can feed her atleast 2 pizzas [cheeseburst] a day


SEXY,19
binge eater, way too lazy
worlds best cake baker{please place her orders...c sexy m doing publicity for u baby:p}
loves antique jewellery....sometimes can be mistaken as a tantrik
RELATIONSHIP STATUS; looking out for some rich tyagi...{tyagi boys please try ur luck:p}

ADU,19, the girl who takes leave from college bcoz her boyfriends little finger got swollen
full of psychological history...way too cute {until she opens her mouth and tries having a competition with me in eating kulcha roles}
loves writing the most depressing poems which somehow amazes all of us
has an amazing memory{still she forgets where she last kept her iphone}
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: dont even bother asking..its written COMPLICATED everywhere
she loves him one moment and the next is on  a world war 3 with him


TINA,20
will make a perfect mother in law some day
speaks clear truth even it means kicking someones ass off
loves eating therefore i luv her too
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: same as mine...loves books more than boys:p..NOT INTERESTED


VIBU,19
doesnt speak much...
loves drama...very sweet
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: NO COMMENTS


DARA, the problematic guy,21
a rich spoilt brat whom riya falls for{ god damn it..cudnt she find a bttr one}
is a 3 yr psychology student but still doesnt know who an extrovert is {wait mr dara till u meet riya ,

for whom the definition of extravert was made}

ALEX, THE LION{ok dont get me wrong hes not a lion..i prefer to call him ..u will understand why if yu have seen the movie MADAGASCAR...if not...dont even try decoding..hehee}
the socializable firang....or shud i call him the accidental BAIT
resides in germany..is the son of albert einstein...[ dude he is doing his majors in mathematics..its not a joke, i cant even calculate 2+2..ok fine thats too much i can do itna toh:p]









12 sept 2015
2 lecture
" OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD I DONT BELIVE DIS ...DARA ASKED ME OUT " Riya freaked out as soon as i came out of the lecture hall
" shut up riya...u asked him out bitch" shivi counterattacked
"not again riya" i and tina said together
"wats wrong with u..how could u go out with someone whom u just met a day back...mummy se poocha" i enquired
" isko bahar nikalo...24 ghante mummy mummy" sexy snapped at me
"aww...so cute " adu gushed


" guys hello? remember my first date..i gotta prepare for it" riya bought us back
"ohkay checklist
u need a lbd
a peep toe heel
some goodmake up
and a good hair day" our style guru sexy advised



"WHAT? NOW!" they all glared at me as i stared at them as  a complete fool coz i couldnt understand  a single word
" tuhe bas khana samjh m ata h ..rehne de..tumse na hopaega" shivi commented
"baby...lbd is a dress peep toes are shoes ...ab smjha baby?" sexy comforted me
" toh direct bolna tha na ki u need clothes and sport shoes...kitta dimaag kharab krte ho yaar" i beamed at my so called intelligence
"riya...dont worry MISSION DARA IS ON" adu came to her full bollywood mode

so after classes sexy n shivu took riya to shopping at edm ...they purchased the most elegant dresses and shoes...OH DONT U WORRY ABOUT THE MOOLAH...RIYA WILL DO ANYTHING TO IMPRESS DARA
after her shopping and saloon spree...she FINALLY called me up in the evening ..i was eating { as usual} and writing my practical { again as usual :p}
"nishi baby ...i m so excited"
"hmm"
"i hope he likes the dress"
"hmm"
"he will na? i hope it aint too short"{ i will kick her in the ass if she asks it again!..its 116th time she asked me this}
"hmm"
"u listening to me?"
"hmm"
" u noe u need some communication manners...u lack them"
"hmm"
"WHAT THE...." and she stopped ..she knew how much i hated abuses ..
"nishi..please say something naa"
" wat riyaa...wat shud i say...i say dont waste ur time on such stupid things..bt u arnt gonna listen are u? .."
"nishi....i want someone who can handle me" {ok can someone tell me how to get out of the phone and kick her ass ...PLEASEEEE!! shes not listening to me man!...just not bothered ....and now she wants someone who can handle her...WHY? is she a zoo animal who needs handling?!}
i decided to keep my comments to myself and got back eating
"nishiiiii...i need a person who is caring,sweet,whom i can dominate" riya wailed
"jaa..kutta leaa" shivi suddenly propped up from nowhere
"guys...cmon be xcited"
"ye saare guys are same riya...." tina pitched in
"to kisne bola sabko try krne ko...ek hi ko pakad na" sexy laughed off
"all d best riya" vibu too replied
"oh ..nishi..wens the test on poverty?"vibu asked
"next week..kuch start ni kia yaar"
"INN DONO KO GROUP SE BAHAR NIKALOOO" riya and shivu screamed
"yaar how should i begin ..i mean hi hello...fir?" riya asked
"fir kya....wo tujhse poochega ...do u like me n then tu bolna"just as friends" " tina was upteem with her awesome comments
"seriously idk wen did a ufo dropped and dumped all thses stupid people and now they have let these aliens loose and apparently that ufo aint coming back" sexy quipped targeting at me and vibu
"GUYS...BACK TO ME!" riya said
"oh yeah...so all set?" adu asked
"hmm...but i am not sleepy..i dont noe y" riya blushed
"abbey zyada pyar vaar ka natak mat kr..tu dopahar m khub soti h!" shivi sarcasm was at the level best
" gunnite guys...its 10:30 ...sleeping time " i said n retired to bed
"ekyahan isko neend nhi arhi doosra salaa kumbhkaran ki dukan...jaa bey" sexy said
"gunnite baby" adu said




11:45
MISSION DARA ABORTED
RIYA LEFT
SHIVU LEFT
SEXY LEFT.....so basically a panic call woke me up...riya...was crying...DARA HAD BLOCKED HER
okay so in the middle of my sleep i get a call where all her dream plans almost shattered
"its ok riya...he was a jerk" sexy tried calming her
"abbey tereko pehle hi bola tha shaadi tak k plan mat soch" tina sighed
" noo...maine to bacho k naam bhi soch lie the..he shattered me...i m so broken" riya wailed
i started laughing in my sleep....2 bacho ki planning like seriously... u goota kidding me
unfortunately they heard my giggles
" omg...dont be so insensitive re" adu said
"maine kaha hai isko nikalo grp se" shivu was convinced that i had lost my brainsss...
"riya..u will find some one better tha him" tina said
"aww..riyu....uske saamne kam english jhadni thi na...ab koi ni...insaan galtiyon se seekhta h" shivi tried supporting
admist all this i was snoring...and suddenly woke up wen riya was screaming and wailing on the reciever
' guys i have a good idea...lets sleep over it...n kl milke lets c..ok? riya its all ok...sojaa"
"cool'
"done"
"sure"
" i miss him" riya said

SLEEP RIYA! all of screamed at her....




by the way i am very sure we all have a hetrogeneous mixture of friends who make u laugh, cry, and wat not...and these stupid things that riya is crying on now...trust me after 1o years wen she will have her chuunu munnu running around with a rich guy [as she dreams] , she will have a hell lot of time laughing at her own self

WANNA NOE WAT HAPPENED NEXT? PLEASE STAY TUNED IN FOR THE UPDATE
AND PLEASE LEAVE UR COMMENTS UNDER...THEY MEAN ALOT

TILL THEN
SAYONARA
KEEP SMILING:)